BABY BOY IS A PYT

After a certain age, dating a younger person is a far cry from robbing the cradle. Who cares if he's six years my junior? Stop your young-men-are-in-style-celebratory-dance Mr. Papers!

A colleague and I were out and there was this one guy that would not leave my peripheral vision. We were checking each other out hard core and eventually, and I do mean eventually, we would up in a group conversation. To my utter mortification, my colleague asked his age and then replied, "Oh you're so young. You're just a baby." From where I stood, giving him my 'best' angle at that, nothing about him said baby. He was a grown azz man.

Eventually ol' girl peeled off and not a moment too soon. She was wrecking all the designs I had on that man. And that beard thing was really working for him! We exchanged information and he's been very diligent about following up and planning dates. He is one scrumptious piece of man!

Back to the age thing. Who cares? I'm not planning to marry him. Right now, he is some really good arm candy and every so often, you need a PYT.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Baller Ice

BUM BROTHERS

You know the type – they want to be in your face all the time for free, take you to free places and balk at paying $20 to get in a party. Bum Brothers.

Recession, recession, recession my eye! People are going out, having a good time AND spending moderately. My friends and I were commenting on a set of brothers we know that refuse to pay $20 to get in a party (shout out to LW, DM). I’m not talking about a weekly event either; say once every six months and the dudes are still beefing saying, “No pay to play.” Back in the day, dudes ALWAYS had to pay to get in a party. How many First Saturdays can you attend? How many times can you do Happy Hour in Turtle Bay or Moe’s? How many house parties can you attend and never bring a thing except an empty stomach and a thirsty throat?

Times have certainly changed and there is clear role reversal. A group of women will go out and have a good time no matter the cost. Some brothers would rather mope around their neighborhood in search of the next free thing.

Last year, my homeboy and I went to some love-me-turn-my-key thing. $35. Neither of us flinched. I went to an event the other day. $125. Didn’t flinch. I’m certainly not balling out of control (yet), but I’m not beefing over small money like a few Jacksons.

I prefer to hang with dudes that will pay for everyone in our group to party. Or, if we’re a group of eight dining, a brother or two will cover the tab. And it’s reciprocal. If there’s a concert we want to attend, I cop the tickets. Sometimes it’s as simple as a cab ride. $27.30. I’ll handle that.

My friend came up with a term for these bum brothers – contagious. Don’t hang out with them because they may infect you with their cheapness. Treat them like someone with the TB, put a cloth over your mouth and turn the other way. No, run because they’ll try to wear you down and take you to free ish that happens at Habana Outpost.

Finally, before the brothers get their boxers in a bunch, it's not the dollar amount; it's the attitude. It's alright to dip in the coin jar occasionally but you still haven't saved a Jackson in six months to party? SMH... And yes, there are bum chicks. They are the ones that are always bumming a dollar or five or twenty here and there. The next thing you know, you’ve 'unburdened' yourself of $200 because the chick doesn’t like to come out her pocket. Treat those chicks like the plague too because they don't know what reciprocity means.

It’s alright for women to be on the free-free-frugal-frugal tip (especially with each other) but a brother? Nope. Bum. LOL. Yup, double standard.

More fiyah! More fiyah!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Baller Ice

BEAU (potentially) IS EX'S FRIEND

My ex-boyfriend and I from a while ago are finally, at his behest, engaging in a peaceable sort of friendship. The brother is now married.

During the relationship, the ex talked about the many triumphs of his friend, practically willing me to like him though we never met in person. After a while, I became a fan. As luck would have it, I met the ex’s friend a few months after the breakup and realized I had a crush on him. Ironically, the ex’s friend and I move in similar professional circles so we’ve encountered each other several times and he is electrifying and scrumptious. I know all about him but he has no idea who I am outside of work nor does he realize we have a mutual “friend” who happens to be my ex. The only way he would know that (beyond my name) is if my ex whipped out a photograph of me and that would be kind of crazy.

Anyway, I totally dig this brother; he’s soooo my type, if I was a type-caster. The last time I saw him, we were crackling with chemistry but I had to jet, not before I copped some contact information! My ex, again married, mentioned that he and his buddy linked up recently which gave me another clue that they are bonafide friends. Previously, I thought they were acquaintances.

Question is, can I holler at the ex’s friend? I alluded to that tidbit during the conversation with the ex an ol’ boy had the audacity to become irate saying, “You better not.” I laughed it off but thought, “Listen to this sucker. If I want to holler at his boy, there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

My sentiment is this – we’re all adults and the ex is married. What’s the big deal? Shoo, I’ll even invite him and his wife to the wedding. After all, if had spent less time bigging up the brother, he may not have even crossed my mind.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Baller Ice

BOOTY-LESS CALLS

Constant talk of recession is affecting men’s sensibilities. Any cursory glance at a newspaper and you’ll read that people are trying to reduce their spending, worried about job losses, yaddah, yaddah, yad. However, no one is discussing a great problem – men are cutting back on participating in booty calls.

Several women friends and I were chatting and our conversation eventually turned to brothers. These women shared similar, interesting experiences – men were having issues with a purely physical relationship. In no way am I promoting promiscuity but instead, providing a snippet of real discussions. My cohorts indicated that their respective “man-friend” – whether from a previous relationship or part of the ‘fan club’ (don’t front guys, you’ve been a ‘fan’ before) – felt “a type of way” when the suggestion of “coming through” came up.

Our discussion revealed that some men respond with stammering somethings about the no-strings-attached-just-come-with-your-best-game offer being a “sweet deal” but also felt “objectified.” Oh, you want to think and feel now? Did you feel objectified while watching your copious collection of videos or when you hollered at the next chick during the relationship? These same brothers want to “commit to an honest friendship” and spend time talking now. What is there to talk about? It’s not a love-making-cuddle-me-talk-through-the-night session; it’s a get off and go thing. Conversations should be reserved for bonafide friends and therapists.

The point is that men step to women all the time about wanting a physical, non-committal relationship and seemingly, as soon as a woman steps to a man, he gets his boxers in a bunch. Purely a double standard.

Certainly some great brothers are having multiple epiphanies, realizing that they’re getting older and should build an honest, respectful life with one lovely lady but for the others, really? A man chimed in saying that this type of "aggressive woman" behavior makes men feel emasculated. Brother, please. Either you're with it or your not. And if the latter, there is someone else to take your spot. LOL

Holler with your perspectives.

Later Lovelies,
-Betsy Baller Ice

AN AMAZING LIFE

Mon amis, I’ve missed you but I’m here now so cyber-hug me!

Betsy was in D.C. for the inauguration and had an AMAZING time partying with EPMD (Erik Sermon said my eyes were more gorgeous than his) and, “Doing the Butt” at Spike Lee’s Ball. The latter was truly the highlight of the parties however, the feeling of unity that spread through everyone at the actual inauguration is something I will retain forever…and pass along to my children one day.

While folks are feeling good and looking good, you would think some brothers would feel inspired to change their appearance. I’m not saying go out and buy designer duds, but try to improve their physical state. I was walking to work the other day and saw the most offensive thing – man breasts. Now Betsy loves a thick brother. I acknowledge that the too-chiseled Morris Chestnut types may be attractive but I prefer to lay my head on a little tummy, not a rock. I want to feel like I’m in a plush bed, not lying on concrete. But anyway, this dude, had breasts that were larger than the average woman. Clearly he was past the training bra state.

If that wasn’t offensive enough, his breasts were SAGGING! It’s one thing if a woman’s breasts sag because of natural causes like age/gravity, child bearing, etc. (Newsflash to men – the perkiness fades away…lol) but a man? I wondered if he, like a woman, used baby powder under his joints to prevent excessive sweating. And don’t front you saggy breast women – in the summer, baby powder is your best friend to prevent chafing. Works on the inner thighs too. My momma taught me that!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Baller Ice

DECEMBER NOTES

This has been a good year. Certainly Betsy had a fair share of lows but there was nothing that was insurmountable. That will never happen.

2008, as it fades away with the dimming sunlight was about building and maintaining healthy relationships. I lost some folks – deleted their contact information because they offered no value in my life. Likewise, I met and/or grew closer to some magnificent people – EP, QB, KW, RC and of course, WP. These people entertained, mentored, listened, prayed and loved me. For them, I am grateful. Thank you.

For my inner circle guys and gals, you know who you are. Even if we don’t speak or see each other everyday, you are still my shining stars, especially when we found ourselves out on a late night cruising adventure, pole dancing, having brunch, shopping, laughing over another lost job, celebrating a promotion, brainstorming, cheering each other on and traveling.

I am ending this year on a high note. I’m happy 2009 is hours away but really, each day, each hour is an opportunity to do something different or make a change and that starts now. I compromised too much in the last twelve months and sometimes, right at the very beginning of a situation. ‘Twas a learning experience in one situation that led a half-ass relationship where 50% time I wanted out. And then there was the one that I wanted in… ☺

No resolutions for 2009. I have things to accomplish. Lots of them so going forward, call me Baller, baby.

All the best to everyone and know that everything substantive is possible.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Baller Ice

DO IT IN DECEMBER

It's December folks and Betsy is super-motivated. The universe shifted in my favor and all the stuff I was b-sing with just came to an end. I'm challenging me and you should challenge you too! To reference the great songstress Khia, "Just do it, do it, do it do it do it now" – from the hit, My Neck, My Back. The time is really now.

Most folks have long to-do lists but the issue is how many of those tasks are you checking off? If the answer is some or almost all, that's just not good enough. All tasks need to be completed and that's what December is about - everything. I want it all brand new socks and drawers. Me myself and I and if you can't get with the Betsy program, trust that some other mother-brother, will. Folks have been suckling at teats for too long and if by the twelfth month of the year there is no major progress/improvement, then I'll see you next lifetime. If you're regressing, holler at me when things are moving forward because I have no time for fake rhymes.

I’m working on projects that should have BEEN completed in the new season but thank goodness I'm energized and knocking them out. Here’s a snapshot of things, big and small that Betsy will complete before year’s end:

1. give away coats not worn in over 2 years (I’m not about to start rocking a Triple Fat Goose even if I had one)
2. send photos to friends and family (sometimes it takes a few months for me to upload)
3. enroll in a pole dancing class (DM I have my stilettos ready!)
4. buy orchids
5. learn chess
6. volunteer
7. send holiday cards before Christmas
8. apply to grad school/scholarships
9. order business cards
10. cut off or put some folks on the back burner

The last one is especially important because some people add/added zero value to my life. I maintained relationships with them for what seemed like an eternity and their situation kept getting more tragic each time. Now, I’m just tired of it. How many times can one person’s electricity go off in a month? Your car was towed again? Going to court with your baby daddy again? I think he’s intentionally working off the books so you can’t collect a check! For the folks are habitually broke - the bank is closed. There will be no more 'spotting' you or going out with you because you only give up the exact cost of your meal. Did you forget tax/gratuity on the ribeye steak and three drinks you ordered? My favorite – you’re so busy you can’t see me? Stay busy because with all the grand things I have going on, I know you’re not trying to tell me you’re a workaholic – working on a t-shirt side hustle for the last four years and ain’t sell one shirt much less press up a sample. Please! Sorry, I digress.

Anyway, you get it. You know those folks.

On the flip side, do things a little different for you. Holler at that colleague and keep it discreet. Date more and sweat the title less. If the brother is acting the fool, let him keep his dunce hat and holler at someone else – that adores you just the way you. Go out solo and scrub the floor with it. Meditate. Apologize. Say I love you more. Wish your enemies well. Be honest.

Anyway, you get it so do it, do it, do it, do it, do it and maybe your neck and back can get involved. Oh yes, share your list as well!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap: Persaud Brothers party at Canal Room. Banging

On tap: Spring fashion collection preview