CRY ME BROKE BROTHERS

Okay, fine. Recession. Folks are feeling the pinch in their pockets, grocery items seemed to increase by 50% and Betsy has to go Salon Dominicano where the stylists call me “Mami” instead of my usual expensive ‘sister’ stylist who knows my name. With all this oxymoronic spending more and cutting back, THE LAST THING Betsy wants to hear is a man crying broke. Actually, in west indian terms, it’s “bruk.” What the frig is that? A dutch date?

Brothers, if you’re in the courting stages with a woman, the last thing they, or let me speak for myself, I want to discuss is how hard your times are. I watch CNN, I know the financial industry is collapsing and people are losing jobs in almost every industry, but you can take me out on a date and sponsor the entire event? How about you borrow a few c-notes from your boy because I’m not interested in looking up at a menu; I want to look down.

I’m not against paying but if every conversation revolves around how low your cash flow is, that’s an issue. My electric bill is sky high but I’m not pulling out the statement to show you on our first date. How awkward would it be if I said, “Look, my service interruption date is November 28th. I wonder if ConEd will do a payment arrangement?” LOL. I handles my business (yes, I pluralized) – even if I’m standing in line at the coin change counter at Commerce Bank.

If a man is going to talk for forty minutes straight about how tight he is, the likelihood of a date looks like nil. Not because he’s “bruk” but because dates with him because would entail him coming to my place, complaining some more, watching my cable for free, eating up my Whole Foods food for free then slipping in something about “liking to stay indoors.”

It’s okay to cut back on expenses; just be upfront about it in a non-complaining way and get a little creative. Do these hips look like they need another meal? Don’t answer that. Suggest a cultural activity to your new lady-friend like going to First Friday at a museum where admission is reduced or FREE. Meet for lunch/brunch (less costly than dinner) or, spend some downtime at a bookstore then head to a chocolate bar for desserts. Amazing what you can do in public with tea, chocolate and cantaloupe slices. Finally, if you absolutely have to come to my place because there’s lint and crumbs in your pocket, then bring some microwavable popcorn from your house, along with my favorite movie which you happen to have (or borrowed from a friend) and massage my feet and back the entire time since my spa appointments are cancelled until further notice. Damn cutbacks.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

COMMODE COURTESY

When you’re in a shared bathroom space like work, why is it some people don’t understand how to be courteous? For instance, there are three stalls. You’re in the last one because it’s farthest from the door, sink and anyone else who may enter. Then someone enters. Common courtesy dictates this person take the first stall but not this lady. Runs right into the middle stall. The last thing I want to hear is what a person is dropping next to me.

For some people, it doesn’t matter if there are ten stalls. They’re right next to you.

Men have it even worse. Urinals. A brother is standing at the last urinal and a dude bypasses the other four stalls to stand next to him. What’s up with that?

The worst offenders are those that want to talk to you in your stall from their stall. In the event folks haven’t figured it out, this is my time. I don’t want to talk about what you ate for dinner or gas prices or how Will and Jada look on the cover of Essence. I don’t care. I’m using the bathroom. Talk to me on the outside when the remnants of whatever you’re letting go doesn’t choke me. I can’t open my mouth to talk, much less breathe. My gosh. Eat less curry goat meat or something.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap: Level V. That joint was pumping!

On tap: Brooklyn's newest Friday night party will be bringing the heat this Friday November 21st. Presenting: "Hotter Than July" at the Lowpost
(Habana Outpost Lounge). Another reason to keep it in Brooklyn. 2 floors of red-hot dance, sizzling old school & roasting reggae joints
all night long. DJs The Ahficionados (Deffrei & Reggiment), OP! & July will be stoking the fire & keeping it raging on the 1nes & 2wos.

Admission is $3.
Low Post: 757 Fulton Street corner of So. Portland
9pm to 4am

COMPANIONSHIP DOESN'T EQUAL A RELATIONSHIP

Winter is almost upon us which means frigid months ahead. If you're not "bunned" or "booed" up yet, it may just be too late to get a winter snuggle buddy.

Typically, men start to act crazy around this time - the holidays. They want to holler at you but there's the awkwardness of holidays with family and friends, company soirees and of course, gift giving. Does a man invite the woman he’s been dating for the last three weeks to Thanksgiving dinner with his family since ol’ girl folks are west coast? Or, you tell the person you’re dating how grand your company holiday parties are and you can bring a guest. Do you invite the man you’ve been dating for the last month because he’s full of personality? Or better yet, are you snuggled up together counting down to the new year or should you jet to a tropical isle with your homegirls?

Lastly, there’s the gift giving “situation.” Do you give just because you want to? Is it a little awkward when you give just because and you hear, “Oh, I don’t celebrate Christmas.” Then why did you accept the gifts you $#@&?! Sorry, thinking of a previous situation. DM – the scarf is yours if you ever see it again!

Back to bunning up. Betsy wrote this while laying in bed at 11pm last night and I kept thinking, “It sure is chilly.” The only thing next to me was my blackberry with its blinking light winking at me. I would much rather a lovely brother to snuggle up with than my phone.

To clarify, companionship doesn't equal relationship - as in we're together, boy/girlfriend or partnership. Companionship is someone that Betsy wants to hang out with when it's convenient. Now, a man may call and though it wasn't on my mind to see him, I'm happy to hang out. See folks, conversation + convenience = companionship. For everyone. And no booty calls! It's about spending time with someone you're actually interested in minus the title, obligations of making that person a priority and holiday quandaries. I don’t need to be someone’s girlfriend right now. I just want to get together and have a good time. It’s that simple. I suppose though, when you tell a man that, he has a difficult time processing that information as he believes every woman is a man-eater. Nope. I’m a nibbler. LOL

Seriously though, there are a lot of single folks out there - Betsy included - (sigh) but I have options. We all have options. If the person you're dating is hung up on titles, hang him up and keep it moving. And share the love! if you see someone that looks like your friend's "type", get some contact information on the person and pass it along. A former coworker met his girlfriend like that and now he's married!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap: being off for Veteran's Day and sleeping late

On Tap: Just Danny Simmons party. Holler!

CANCELING DATES

Recently, someone called Betsy a flake. A %$#@!&* flake – can you believe that!?! Then I thought about it and realized that lately, I’ve been, um, committed to people and events that I just can’t make/meet. Classic superwoman syndrome.

I WANT to attend but I’m so busy doing a zillion things that sometimes when it comes to a social event, I just don’t have the energy or enthusiasm to make it. That’s when bed rock and pillow jam takes precedence.

Sunday past though, I held myself accountable to a prior engagement – a celebratory Obama brunch with the ladies. I was totally committed to meeting up with my friends then I received a message indicating that more than half the group cancelled!?!? Not only was a bit peeved but I was STARVING. I foregoed eating, stacking my hunger up for the hurtin’ I planned to put on buttermilk pancakes and chicken sausages only to find the outing was cancelled. On top of that, I declined another brunch invite saying that I was already committed to another engagement. The self accountability thing really works.

Thing is folks, it’s just not cool to cancel. Of course there are instances where an unforeseen circumstance comes up but other than that, learn to be accountable. If you need improvement in this area, make sure your friends keep you accountable by reminding you about engagements. Too many unjustified cancellations will have you on the no-more invite list.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap – no brunch – obviously but made it out for a bit at a local bar/lounge. The spot was very un-noteworthy but thank goodness the company was entertaining.

On tap: Danny Simmons party Thursday. Holler if you want to rock.

BLACK WITH CRACKS

Women who wear excessive foundation bother me - especially when the hug me and I'm wearing white.

Recently, I ran into a woman I had not seen in eons. Ol' girl hugged me tight while pressing her highly 'decorated' cheek against my au naturale one.

When I finally arrived home to happily wash of the NYC grime, I noticed a HUGE spot on my cheekbone that looked like a bruise from a brawl. After my initial shock, I realized ol' girl's mocca foundation and purple blush smeared on my face. I was annoyed (but glad this makeup offender dodged my white shirt) and was astonished to discover that the hug-press-your-cheek-against mine had extended to my line of my jaw!

I've seen this woman before and she is always 'decorated'. Don't women know by now that applying massive amounts of foundation and whatever else can clog your pores further? Your pores need to breathe for goodness sake. People aren't stupid and makeup doesn't hide everything. We see your blemishes.

Further, what do women like this do when they're in a relationship? Apply makeup before going to bed? Or, say if they're getting down with their boyfriend/partner/husband - unless you're into straight missionary and don't turn your head and the brother never holds your face tenderly or tries to kiss you, the makeup won't come off but otherwise, you're dirtying their sheets! One or two times may be passable but what man wants to sleep with a woman who leaves brown all over the sheet? Yuck.

It’s alright to be gussied up and beautied out sometimes but e'eryday? Do THESE women wear white? You know what? They're probably the ones that try on clothes and when another woman goes to purchase the item, the size she needs is the makeup stained one your excessive foundation-self left behind because you left the stained and picked up a fresh one.

Lighten up on the makeup ladies and recognize that part of your beauty is your flaws. Even Betsy them. No, only one. ;-)

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap: easy week, not much

On tap: MANJINGA MASQUERADE PARTY @ SPUTNIK w/SAMBA DANCERS & LIVE DRUMMERS: FREE B4 10PM $7. w/RSVP OCTOBER 31ST
262 Taafe Place, by Dekalb Ave.
Brooklyn
9:00pm - 4:00am
FREE B4 10:00pm, $10 After
$7 with RSVP
Drink specials all night
G to Classon
www.myspace.com/manjingaparty

BAD ECONOMY & CRIME

Seems like each time I pick up a newspaper or watch tv, there is talk of a bad economy - layoffs, foreclosures, gauge-like gas prices and stay-cations (staying at home for vacation instead of traveling). The one thing I haven't heard much about, conceivably a direct effect of the aforementioned, is crime rates. In the last several weeks, three people I know have been robbed. One person was pick-pocketed; another robbed at gunpoint and the last, an assault (near beat down) and robbery. Two of the three crimes were committed by young men who thus far, have not been apprehended.

It's easy to cry, "Foul!" and rightfully so, but this seems to point to a larger issue at hand - folks are desperate and making crime an option. When someone gets jailed for stealing a cell phone, that's sheer stupidity.

I met a young man recently in rehabilitation/education program that was on the brink of 'graduating' and needed a job. After applying for a few jobs with no callbacks yet, he expressed that he didn't want to commit another crime (robbery) but he was growing weary of stomach pains due to hunger. He lives with him mom and she doesn't work so the both of them are sitting around starving and having a swallow your spit contest. Clearly, his stupidity was a big part of the problem (stealing doesn't pay) but his story was real. The problem was and is, there are others in this situation that see violating other people as an option. They may be uneducated coupled with desperation and in the streets. A smart person in the streets would have went a church, food pantry or soup kitchen to eat and get information on social services.

So folks, just a message to be more alert (get off that blackberry when walking home, especially in the night; have your keys in your hand before you get to your car or house door; avoid going in your wallet repeatedly for small purchases [like puffy cheese doodles] - keep a five spot in your front pocket, etc.) which will greatly reduce the chance of being jacked.

Birthday shout out to KD!!!!!

The recap: Habana Outpost with QB! Thanks for a great afternoon. At 3:30 pm the food hit the spot. At 3:30 am, I was on the toilet with the worst stomach pains ever. That was a clear message from my stomach: "Don't eat food from a truck silly." The message was repeated at 4:10 am. Had to share and hopefully save some folks from the same plight. Habana will NOT be seeing my money again.

On tap: Vote & Live! tonight at the Tribeca Grand. It's gonna be big.
We are screening two films about how the GOP stole the past two elections and how they are planning to do it again. very important. please spread the word and do whatever you can to help us elevate the visibility of the event and the issue.
And if the future of democracy isn't enough we are having a great party upstairs with DJs Spinna, Moni, Blu Jemz, Herbert Holler, plus speakers including Kevin Powell and City Councilperson Gale Brewer. Doors at 8:30. open wine bar until the river runs dry. screenings at 9:00.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

BETTER WEEKS AHEAD

Betsy is having a long week and the weekend is not even here yet. I've been under the weather (but recouping) and some folks graciously offered to take care of me. One of those offers was grossly unwanted.

The story: A coworker has been CHATTING my ears off for weeks and I've endured this man's conversation upon conversion upon conversation. One day he said to me, "I was thinking about you this weekend and that's pretty big because I never think about my coworkers." I wasn't thinking about him. Another time dude says, "I was thinking about you again but didn't have your number to call." I changed the topic of the conversation. Third time, "Hey, give me you number so we can talk. You ran across my mind the other day. I wanted to talk to you but didn't have your number." It would be almost impossible to call if someone never gave you their number. Finally he said, "What's your number?" Folks, I couldn't get out of that one so I gave him the digits with this addendum, "I rarely answer my phone so best text me."

A non-thirsted out man would have read between the lines and never sent me a text but not ol' boy. He sent a text to find out how my weekend was going. "Swell," I thought to myself. "We can talk during normal business hours and not Saturday afternoon."

When Betsy was out sick from work, he sent a text that was something to the effect of, "Hey, I rushed into the office to see you today and you weren't there. Heard you're out sick. Sorry to hear but let me know if you need anything. I can use my Dr. Feel Good Hands to make you feel better. Bleh, bleh bleh." People, what kind of what stuff is that? We're coworkers for goodness sake! I've never even hinted that we should be anything but amicable staff members. In fact, when he offered to take me out to lunch, I dipped out on him and he was a bit irate. Said I needed to get some fresh air. From his hovering self.

Not only is this man WAY inappropriate, he'll also qualify for a social security check - next year!

The kicker now is that he's throwing me shade! I said hello to him one day and he walked right by. Tried this a second time and he acted like it was painful for him to say hi.

Note: work is place of business, not a playground. I don't play in sandboxes that belong to dirty old men.

The recap: Danny Simmons art fundraiser. Tres cool.

On tap: Havana Outpost this weekend folks!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice