WHAT CAN'T YOU LIVE WITHOUT?

Lovelies! It’s chilly in NY but thank goodness I slept my morning away. If I can just get to my office before 4 p.m. I can claim that I was working.

Anyhoo, assuming you had all the essentials in life—food, family, friends, finances, shelter—what three things could you not live without?

At first, I thought to say my computer. What else can you use to talk, read, write, listen to music, make movies, and store 11,452 pictures that never get printed? The more I thought about it, the more inaccurate that was. I would hate to live without Alicia Meyers, Fela, Dwele, and Biggie but I could forego their much played music for a notebook. Paper. Paper would be one of my choices. Choice number two would be a natural—pens. Who cares about HBO, Showtime, and Bravo (except for Real Housewives of Atlanta) when my own life is more interesting? When I'm old and grey, I want to life or frown about some of the antics of my youth.

Then came number three. I was more considerate with the third choice, thinking this would have to be more important that than the others, since I already have my imaginary Bally bag and Jimmy Choo shoes. This would have to be something that could complete my life. Then I remembered the one thing that has been with my all my life in varying forms—my bible. Whether it's the little green New Testament--remember, folks used to hand them out for free back in the day?--it's been a part of my life and heart since I was tot.

Since I was oh-so-fatigued and couldn’t make it to my office today, I had to cook my own breakfast which led to random thought number two—what condiment could you not live without? This was easier than the aforementioned question. Butter. I generally dislike salt, except, well… Anyway, as I slathered every corner of my bran bread with butter, I thought, “This is the best damn condiment ever.”

Running off to work. Share your can’t live without three or number one condiment. Curious to know what rolls through your mind.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy "Baller" Ice

SHADY BONE

I’ve been a little under the weather lately, feeling more discombobulated than physically ill. I’m tapped out, my glass is full, and what little energy/concentration I have left, is just for me.

The story: A male friend and I were working on a project and there was one aspect of it he was supposed to take care of, though only recently, I found out it no progress had been made. He called me four times in three hours in a damn-near panic to “explore options.” Fine. I gave some input and said, “I really have some things I need to take care of for myself and I trust your judgment. Call or better yet, send a message with the final outcome.” That was Tuesday.

Wednesday. He leaves a high-pitched, anxious-sounding voicemail. I return his call, only to listen to him rehash the previous day’s conversation. I say, “Man, I really have some things going on in my own life right now and I just can’t attend to this with you. I know you’re trying to be helpful by filling me in but I’m full—of my own stuff—so make a decision, still to it, and know that I’ll cosign it.” Whew, I breathe a sigh of relief thinking that would be the last of it.

Thursday. The brother leaves another voicemail, this time sounding even more urgent that than the last and speaking so rapidly, that a few words are unclear. I call him back. Why did I do that? He starts off on a near-tirade about his issues. Apparently he’s losing his jobs—in a few months. A FEW #%$@?! MONTHS. I’m going through some things RIGHT NOW. I interject saying, “Look, I don’t mean to be snide or snarky. I sorry that you’re losing your job months from now but I can’t deal with anything else. I don’t have the capacity and you know that. Just finish the project and only call me when you have a final answer. Better yet, text me because I would rather not even talk. I need to be silent and still.” We hang up in agreement.

Thursday night. Ol’ boy sends an email—to me and everyone else involved—saying that he’s pulling out and “doesn’t give a shi*t,” will do his own thing, bleh bleh bleh. He then adds, “Now I know people are frustrated due to happenings in their own life however after imparting the news of my impending layoff the last thing I expect to hear from a friend is ‘I know you lost your job but...’” LMAO. Granted, he has now totally screwed me over but ol’ boy is HOT about me not wanting to—what? Be stressed out with him over his job that he’s losing in… June, July, December? Right now, I don’t need my cup to runneth over with OPP—Other People’s Problms. I mean, if he lost his job that day, I would be concerned and come up with an action plan but months away? Pshh…

I didn’t even respond to him but thought, never once did he ask me what was going on in my life, yet he has the gall to be upset with me. Insert rolling eyes here. People – if someone tells you they’re in a rough patch, do yourself a favor and find someone that can truly listen and give you the coddling you want.

Anyone else ever been in similar situation?

Totally random but ol’ boy from the coffee shop, called. Five days later. Pshh…

Thanks to all for the shout-outs and requests to keep writing. You folks highlight doldrum days. Have a lovely weekend!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy "Baller" Ice

I'LL HOLLER. ONE.

Lovelies! Lovelies! I’ve been in the lab working on a legal concoction that will make me rich and famous, but paused today to watch the snowflakes fall. Okay, that’s not quite the truth. My office closed due to the snowstorm and I was too happy, officially rolling out of bed a bit after noon. It felt so good but what would have been better was…

My friend and I were at a coffee shop recently and a brother with all his textbooks, colored index cards, coffee cups, and markers caught mine eyes. He looked up and smiled and I returned the greeting. I thought he was cute and when I turned his way again to retrieve something I didn’t need in my bag, he looked up again and smiled.

“I think he’s digging me,” I whispered to my friend. When she left, the armchair was empty for a while, providing the perfect opportunity for him to holler since the smiling thing was getting a little trifling. He departed before I did, and I watched him walk out. Just before he opened the door, he turned to look at me again. Grinning this time. “Pshh,” my mind said, but he was still cute.

The following day I returned to the coffee shop to finish my own studies and there was Mr. Cutie in the same spot. I positioned myself diagonally from him then wound up moving to a table right behind his when my laptop ran out of juice. I didn’t want to seem parched or anything but I had work to do and just as much right to be there as he did though I secretly hoped he went there that day hoping to catch my ordering my usual beverage.

The smiling continued. Clearly this brother was so enthralled by my beauty that he could not believe a woman of my caliber would want to talk to him so he felt resigned to a fate of just being an admirer. He was plain ol’ nervous though my smile and eyes were giving him green lights all the way. Or maybe I just don’t know why he didn’t step up. As I prepared to leave and after much inner wrestling, I stood behind him, leaned over and before he could say anything (his mouth did open), I placed my business card in the middle of his biology book page and said, “Here’s my card. Call me when you’re done studying.”

I turned before I walked out the door and he was in competition for the Kool-Aid jug with his smile.

For the record, I like to socialize and chatting with men is easy when I’m not interested in them. Before stepping to him, I was stalling, which caused me to start perspiring profusely but I was glad I made the first move. It felt oddly liberating and for a moment, I sympathized with all the men that had every stepped to me – or any other woman for that matter – and got shut down. Takes a lot of heart.

Oh yes, you’d think by now, four days later, he would have called, right? Nope. I said to call post-studying but I didn’t mean the entire semester. Oh well. I’m willing to try it again. There’s a cute doctor that I’ve noticed in there a few times too…

BTW - I took that picture from my window.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

IF YOU'RE SINGLE, YOU HAVE UNTIL NOVEMBER 15th

See those pictures? I want all of that this year.

Seems like every year, a few select (read: same) girlfriends and I joke about the timeline for meeting someone that would qualify as a winter boo. If the weather in New York is any indication, winter is upon us.

After some catching up, the conversation inevitably turns to relationships and seasons with the discussion as follows:

“Girl, I needs me someone to keep me warm this winter. This comforter isn’t cutting it.”

“I hear you!”

“And the holidays are right around the corner…”

“Exactly! So you have to find someone by Halloween, mid-November the latest because after that it’s a wrap. People are traveling and preparing for the holidays.”

“Not only that, who do I look like inviting Tito to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner after knowing him only two weeks. He may just act the fool.”

For my single folks, it’s already October 16th; do you know who your boo is? If you have a few potentials, figure out who you want to be with for the next few months and put some work into bunning up. Block off more time on his calendar to make sure you’re I there. Fellas, pick her up from work Thursday evening, order in, and watch the season finale of the RHOA (Real Housewives of Atlanta) for major cool points. If by chance, you’re one of the unlucky individual with no prospects, I suggest you step your game up. You can find single folks in the freest places like the Laundromat. Even the baddest chick (let Trina tell it), has to do laundry at some point. Ditto for the brother you’ve seen in the neighborhood coffee shop. Besides that, everyone has to eat – including those that don’t cook. I’m almost certain that they have to buy staples like bread, eggs, turkey bacon, cheese and ice cream. Brothers, walk down the aisle where the sanitary goods are…a woman is bound to be there. ☺

If you’re wondering about Betsy’s status, I have one potential and a new fellow I have my eye on. Both are fuego, but I only have four weeks to get in good with the latter – and make a final decision. I want to play in the snow, sleep in when it rains (thank goodness for 'sick' days), go skiing, and get my neck, my back, and everything else rubbed like that. (shout out to Khia!) Go hard or go home solo dammit! November 15th is almost here so the time for lollygagging is nil!

Disclaimer: please do not feel the need to drop your boo in the spring. If (s)he can be all up in your space playing Scattergories with your crew – and they approve – you may want to keep the relationship going. Also, if you're married, engaged, or booed up already, consider it your duty to help your single friends. Afterall, what husband or wife wants their spouse dragged all around the city or to parties with their single in the city friend? That single friend is messing with your groove.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

P.S. once I’m booed up, I’ll be changing my middle name ☺

P.P.S. my friend, a brother, said if you can't get in good by October, it's a wrap for the gift exchange. If you're trying to seal the deal with him, you only have 15 days...egads! LOL

I DON'T WANT YOUR MAN (Keep my name out of your mouth)

Why is it that some women think that their man is a bag of chips and pretzels and everyone woman is after him? If another woman is bent on being with your man, and he’s down for it, there’s nary a thing the supposedly main woman can do. Fight? Yell? Why bother? He’s wasn’t interested in committing to you so I see no reason to go out of your way to get ghetto because when someone decides they want to be with someone else on the low or just dropping their boo for the next, they move forth without their partner’s permission.

I was inspired to write this blog because a colleague recently broke up with his girlfriend, who I’d never met. This fellow and I were supposed to attend an event together but minutes beforehand I cancelled unexpectedly. I was running way late and showing up thirty minutes late was unacceptable. When he was en route, he left a voicemail saying that his girlfriend had decided to accompany him. That certainly influenced my decision because I felt less guilty for canceling and didn’t bother to press my way. In my responding message I even said I would hang with him and the girlfriend later in the evening but he declined.

I thought the case was closed until the following day he mentioned they broke up. “Just like that?” I thought. Apparently, they were having issues for some time, unbeknownst to me, and last night was the final straw. The interesting part was ol’ girl, whom I’d never met, asked her then-man if he was going on a date with me. Huh? Would a man be so low as to invite his side chick and the main sham to the same event, so they would what, have a cum bah yah? LOL. That’s some real Jerry Springer/Ricky Lake/Maury Povich kind of thing. I didn’t say much to him about it but how is it a woman who has never met me, mentions my name as the other woman? And, aside from this event, her now ex-man and I hung out once! Lest I forget, he tried to hook me up with his buddy – which she knows.

The entire situation seems strange. I mean, I know times are hard in multiple categories but I know for a fact that I don’t play back burner to any other broad. In fact, I can be the girlfriend’s best ally; I value relationships and the last person you have to worry about pushing up on your man is me. In fact, I’ll run interference for you if I see your man trying to holler at the next chick. But then again, if he’s willing to creep, he worth letting go. Lady Saw will have him (that's a reggae song folks..."I got your man and you can't do anything about it!")

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

IS WENDY WILLIAMS THE NEXT OPRAH?

One night I happen to be flipping channels (a rarity) and I paused at the Wendy Williams Show. The one time I had seen a portion of it, I thought she was a train wrecked amazon on tv. She smacks her lips constantly when she talks and inserts “um” every five words. How could she have gotten a show?

Truthfully, I’ve never been a fan of hers but my mom and several of my friends LOVE her. Her radio show was pretty grimey – one that consistently played people – and now she has an evening talk show.

I watched, trying to figure out what folks saw in the show. I was unimpressed but noticed that her lineup is better than I would have expected. Ol’ Smokey Robinson performed; some white guy from a new NBC drama appeared; the host of Extra (I think) was on; the hold on to every morsel of fame king, Bill Bellamy cracked jokes, yucking it up with Wendy. Now, she’s not Oprah and not certainly not Tyra with her ‘keeping it real,’ no makeup shows (sigh…) but Wendy does have a certain quelque chose sur son which makes her show sort of interesting. She’s a clown and damn proud of it. You can just imagine her snapping her fingers, rolling her eyes and head, and cursing out some audience member because they did something unwise during her studio time and for that, folks watch her show. While I find some of her mannerisms over the top, there’s something interesting in the cavalier way she presents her show. She flips through notes at the beginning, rapidly scanning the pages to ensure that she delivers the right gossip. While annoying, I kind of like seeing her stuttering around the show unlike all the other hosts.

Is she going to move to ABC and fill Oprah’s slot? Probably not because mainstream America would balk at her and Wendy’s too unconventional to control but for what she’s doing on UPN (channel 9 is still UPN, right?), keep keeping on.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

HOLD IT SUMMER, I WASN'T DONE WITH YOU YET

Does anyone else feel like summer cheated him or her? The weather was horrible in June and most of July. August came around and folks were feenin’ for fun but even then, people were afraid to plan fetes in fear of dismal weather, like last weekend. Of course, Habana heads were never deterred, standing around in stilettos and/or tank tops with bike helmets to eat greasy sandwiches, corn or drink Coronas. Habana even hired some big muscular looking brothers to wear super tight black T-shirts that read, “SECURITY.” A la ghetto…

My calendar was full but I there were lots of days, weekends especially where I felt I had to press my way to party. Other people concurred because they were going hard, laughing extra loud, overstaying their welcome, and asking if anyone knew of other events. Nope. LOL. I look forward to being kissed by the sun when I wake up every summer morning but instead, I had more “Urgh” rain-filled moments, usually reserve for winter. On top of that, there was a shortage of shorties.

I thought this summer was going to be on and poppin’ but it wasn’t…not like my other summers were. I want a refund! A re-do! I have hot outfits that never made it to bbq’s, searsucker suits for soirees and pum pum party shorts that I hang forlornly in my closet. Why summer!!?!? Why!?!?

I’m not trying to bemoan, any long anyway, because September is here, though the last two weeks could have been fall in my book. This weekend, I’m trying to make the best of it but already, I feel like staying indoors with ice cream and a movie. Sigh…so long summer…

Enjoy Labor Day weekend!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice