Thursday, February 26, 2009
For a while now, I’ve been assessing my current friendships. My inner circle folks aren’t going anywhere but it’s everyone else that I posed this internal question – what value do you/they add to my life?
There’s no monetary value on friendships but you can’t be a financial drain either so I refuse to spot you every single time we go out. More than that though, spending time bickering or ‘debating’ too many conversations can become a drain.
The situation: I thought I had a good relationship with a friend until he started acting crazy, literally. He always had something slick to say about the next man and I’m like, “Dude, really?” I kept telling him the line of conversation was not cool and his cavalier ways were offensive. He apologized but this last time, no apology was needed. I simply explained that I grew weary of this incessant battle of what had become a tumultuous friendship. We no longer had anything to talk about. I deleted his info.
After that, I felt so good that I deleted several more people. There are 386 names of people in my blackberry and some I have no idea who they are. There are others whom I just don’t talk to anymore so guess what? They were deleted. I realized that I was holding on to people, creating pseudo-relationships when the truth of the matter is some people just don’t matter to me any more, or perhaps, never did. For instance, the dude I met at a club…wanted to dance until my legs fell off and when I tried to escape, he wanted to talk my ear off. Brother would not even leave my side until I added his mobile and email to my contact list. He even wanted me to promise to contact him. LOL. I digress.
So, folks if you send a text or call and I say, “Who is this?” it’s because you’re out. You were a season, a reason but not a lifetime.
-Betsy Baller Ice
Monday, February 23, 2009
After a certain age, dating a younger person is a far cry from robbing the cradle. Who cares if he's six years my junior? Stop your young-men-are-in-style-celebratory-dance Mr. Papers!
A colleague and I were out and there was this one guy that would not leave my peripheral vision. We were checking each other out hard core and eventually, and I do mean eventually, we would up in a group conversation. To my utter mortification, my colleague asked his age and then replied, "Oh you're so young. You're just a baby." From where I stood, giving him my 'best' angle at that, nothing about him said baby. He was a grown azz man.
Eventually ol' girl peeled off and not a moment too soon. She was wrecking all the designs I had on that man. And that beard thing was really working for him! We exchanged information and he's been very diligent about following up and planning dates. He is one scrumptious piece of man!
Back to the age thing. Who cares? I'm not planning to marry him. Right now, he is some really good arm candy and every so often, you need a PYT.
-Betsy Baller Ice
Friday, February 20, 2009
You know the type – they want to be in your face all the time for free, take you to free places and balk at paying $20 to get in a party. Bum Brothers.
Recession, recession, recession my eye! People are going out, having a good time AND spending moderately. My friends and I were commenting on a set of brothers we know that refuse to pay $20 to get in a party (shout out to LW, DM). I’m not talking about a weekly event either; say once every six months and the dudes are still beefing saying, “No pay to play.” Back in the day, dudes ALWAYS had to pay to get in a party. How many First Saturdays can you attend? How many times can you do Happy Hour in Turtle Bay or Moe’s? How many house parties can you attend and never bring a thing except an empty stomach and a thirsty throat?
Times have certainly changed and there is clear role reversal. A group of women will go out and have a good time no matter the cost. Some brothers would rather mope around their neighborhood in search of the next free thing.
Last year, my homeboy and I went to some love-me-turn-my-key thing. $35. Neither of us flinched. I went to an event the other day. $125. Didn’t flinch. I’m certainly not balling out of control (yet), but I’m not beefing over small money like a few Jacksons.
I prefer to hang with dudes that will pay for everyone in our group to party. Or, if we’re a group of eight dining, a brother or two will cover the tab. And it’s reciprocal. If there’s a concert we want to attend, I cop the tickets. Sometimes it’s as simple as a cab ride. $27.30. I’ll handle that.
My friend came up with a term for these bum brothers – contagious. Don’t hang out with them because they may infect you with their cheapness. Treat them like someone with the TB, put a cloth over your mouth and turn the other way. No, run because they’ll try to wear you down and take you to free ish that happens at Habana Outpost.
Finally, before the brothers get their boxers in a bunch, it's not the dollar amount; it's the attitude. It's alright to dip in the coin jar occasionally but you still haven't saved a Jackson in six months to party? SMH... And yes, there are bum chicks. They are the ones that are always bumming a dollar or five or twenty here and there. The next thing you know, you’ve 'unburdened' yourself of $200 because the chick doesn’t like to come out her pocket. Treat those chicks like the plague too because they don't know what reciprocity means.
It’s alright for women to be on the free-free-frugal-frugal tip (especially with each other) but a brother? Nope. Bum. LOL. Yup, double standard.
More fiyah! More fiyah!
-Betsy Baller Ice
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
My ex-boyfriend and I from a while ago are finally, at his behest, engaging in a peaceable sort of friendship. The brother is now married.
During the relationship, the ex talked about the many triumphs of his friend, practically willing me to like him though we never met in person. After a while, I became a fan. As luck would have it, I met the ex’s friend a few months after the breakup and realized I had a crush on him. Ironically, the ex’s friend and I move in similar professional circles so we’ve encountered each other several times and he is electrifying and scrumptious. I know all about him but he has no idea who I am outside of work nor does he realize we have a mutual “friend” who happens to be my ex. The only way he would know that (beyond my name) is if my ex whipped out a photograph of me and that would be kind of crazy.
Anyway, I totally dig this brother; he’s soooo my type, if I was a type-caster. The last time I saw him, we were crackling with chemistry but I had to jet, not before I copped some contact information! My ex, again married, mentioned that he and his buddy linked up recently which gave me another clue that they are bonafide friends. Previously, I thought they were acquaintances.
Question is, can I holler at the ex’s friend? I alluded to that tidbit during the conversation with the ex an ol’ boy had the audacity to become irate saying, “You better not.” I laughed it off but thought, “Listen to this sucker. If I want to holler at his boy, there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”
My sentiment is this – we’re all adults and the ex is married. What’s the big deal? Shoo, I’ll even invite him and his wife to the wedding. After all, if had spent less time bigging up the brother, he may not have even crossed my mind.
-Betsy Baller Ice
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Constant talk of recession is affecting men’s sensibilities. Any cursory glance at a newspaper and you’ll read that people are trying to reduce their spending, worried about job losses, yaddah, yaddah, yad. However, no one is discussing a great problem – men are cutting back on participating in booty calls.
Several women friends and I were chatting and our conversation eventually turned to brothers. These women shared similar, interesting experiences – men were having issues with a purely physical relationship. In no way am I promoting promiscuity but instead, providing a snippet of real discussions. My cohorts indicated that their respective “man-friend” – whether from a previous relationship or part of the ‘fan club’ (don’t front guys, you’ve been a ‘fan’ before) – felt “a type of way” when the suggestion of “coming through” came up.
Our discussion revealed that some men respond with stammering somethings about the no-strings-attached-just-come-with-your-best-game offer being a “sweet deal” but also felt “objectified.” Oh, you want to think and feel now? Did you feel objectified while watching your copious collection of videos or when you hollered at the next chick during the relationship? These same brothers want to “commit to an honest friendship” and spend time talking now. What is there to talk about? It’s not a love-making-cuddle-me-talk-through-the-night session; it’s a get off and go thing. Conversations should be reserved for bonafide friends and therapists.
The point is that men step to women all the time about wanting a physical, non-committal relationship and seemingly, as soon as a woman steps to a man, he gets his boxers in a bunch. Purely a double standard.
Certainly some great brothers are having multiple epiphanies, realizing that they’re getting older and should build an honest, respectful life with one lovely lady but for the others, really? A man chimed in saying that this type of "aggressive woman" behavior makes men feel emasculated. Brother, please. Either you're with it or your not. And if the latter, there is someone else to take your spot. LOL
Holler with your perspectives.
-Betsy Baller Ice