IF YOU'RE SINGLE, YOU HAVE UNTIL NOVEMBER 15th

See those pictures? I want all of that this year.

Seems like every year, a few select (read: same) girlfriends and I joke about the timeline for meeting someone that would qualify as a winter boo. If the weather in New York is any indication, winter is upon us.

After some catching up, the conversation inevitably turns to relationships and seasons with the discussion as follows:

“Girl, I needs me someone to keep me warm this winter. This comforter isn’t cutting it.”

“I hear you!”

“And the holidays are right around the corner…”

“Exactly! So you have to find someone by Halloween, mid-November the latest because after that it’s a wrap. People are traveling and preparing for the holidays.”

“Not only that, who do I look like inviting Tito to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner after knowing him only two weeks. He may just act the fool.”

For my single folks, it’s already October 16th; do you know who your boo is? If you have a few potentials, figure out who you want to be with for the next few months and put some work into bunning up. Block off more time on his calendar to make sure you’re I there. Fellas, pick her up from work Thursday evening, order in, and watch the season finale of the RHOA (Real Housewives of Atlanta) for major cool points. If by chance, you’re one of the unlucky individual with no prospects, I suggest you step your game up. You can find single folks in the freest places like the Laundromat. Even the baddest chick (let Trina tell it), has to do laundry at some point. Ditto for the brother you’ve seen in the neighborhood coffee shop. Besides that, everyone has to eat – including those that don’t cook. I’m almost certain that they have to buy staples like bread, eggs, turkey bacon, cheese and ice cream. Brothers, walk down the aisle where the sanitary goods are…a woman is bound to be there. ☺

If you’re wondering about Betsy’s status, I have one potential and a new fellow I have my eye on. Both are fuego, but I only have four weeks to get in good with the latter – and make a final decision. I want to play in the snow, sleep in when it rains (thank goodness for 'sick' days), go skiing, and get my neck, my back, and everything else rubbed like that. (shout out to Khia!) Go hard or go home solo dammit! November 15th is almost here so the time for lollygagging is nil!

Disclaimer: please do not feel the need to drop your boo in the spring. If (s)he can be all up in your space playing Scattergories with your crew – and they approve – you may want to keep the relationship going. Also, if you're married, engaged, or booed up already, consider it your duty to help your single friends. Afterall, what husband or wife wants their spouse dragged all around the city or to parties with their single in the city friend? That single friend is messing with your groove.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

P.S. once I’m booed up, I’ll be changing my middle name ☺

P.P.S. my friend, a brother, said if you can't get in good by October, it's a wrap for the gift exchange. If you're trying to seal the deal with him, you only have 15 days...egads! LOL

I DON'T WANT YOUR MAN (Keep my name out of your mouth)

Why is it that some women think that their man is a bag of chips and pretzels and everyone woman is after him? If another woman is bent on being with your man, and he’s down for it, there’s nary a thing the supposedly main woman can do. Fight? Yell? Why bother? He’s wasn’t interested in committing to you so I see no reason to go out of your way to get ghetto because when someone decides they want to be with someone else on the low or just dropping their boo for the next, they move forth without their partner’s permission.

I was inspired to write this blog because a colleague recently broke up with his girlfriend, who I’d never met. This fellow and I were supposed to attend an event together but minutes beforehand I cancelled unexpectedly. I was running way late and showing up thirty minutes late was unacceptable. When he was en route, he left a voicemail saying that his girlfriend had decided to accompany him. That certainly influenced my decision because I felt less guilty for canceling and didn’t bother to press my way. In my responding message I even said I would hang with him and the girlfriend later in the evening but he declined.

I thought the case was closed until the following day he mentioned they broke up. “Just like that?” I thought. Apparently, they were having issues for some time, unbeknownst to me, and last night was the final straw. The interesting part was ol’ girl, whom I’d never met, asked her then-man if he was going on a date with me. Huh? Would a man be so low as to invite his side chick and the main sham to the same event, so they would what, have a cum bah yah? LOL. That’s some real Jerry Springer/Ricky Lake/Maury Povich kind of thing. I didn’t say much to him about it but how is it a woman who has never met me, mentions my name as the other woman? And, aside from this event, her now ex-man and I hung out once! Lest I forget, he tried to hook me up with his buddy – which she knows.

The entire situation seems strange. I mean, I know times are hard in multiple categories but I know for a fact that I don’t play back burner to any other broad. In fact, I can be the girlfriend’s best ally; I value relationships and the last person you have to worry about pushing up on your man is me. In fact, I’ll run interference for you if I see your man trying to holler at the next chick. But then again, if he’s willing to creep, he worth letting go. Lady Saw will have him (that's a reggae song folks..."I got your man and you can't do anything about it!")

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

IS WENDY WILLIAMS THE NEXT OPRAH?

One night I happen to be flipping channels (a rarity) and I paused at the Wendy Williams Show. The one time I had seen a portion of it, I thought she was a train wrecked amazon on tv. She smacks her lips constantly when she talks and inserts “um” every five words. How could she have gotten a show?

Truthfully, I’ve never been a fan of hers but my mom and several of my friends LOVE her. Her radio show was pretty grimey – one that consistently played people – and now she has an evening talk show.

I watched, trying to figure out what folks saw in the show. I was unimpressed but noticed that her lineup is better than I would have expected. Ol’ Smokey Robinson performed; some white guy from a new NBC drama appeared; the host of Extra (I think) was on; the hold on to every morsel of fame king, Bill Bellamy cracked jokes, yucking it up with Wendy. Now, she’s not Oprah and not certainly not Tyra with her ‘keeping it real,’ no makeup shows (sigh…) but Wendy does have a certain quelque chose sur son which makes her show sort of interesting. She’s a clown and damn proud of it. You can just imagine her snapping her fingers, rolling her eyes and head, and cursing out some audience member because they did something unwise during her studio time and for that, folks watch her show. While I find some of her mannerisms over the top, there’s something interesting in the cavalier way she presents her show. She flips through notes at the beginning, rapidly scanning the pages to ensure that she delivers the right gossip. While annoying, I kind of like seeing her stuttering around the show unlike all the other hosts.

Is she going to move to ABC and fill Oprah’s slot? Probably not because mainstream America would balk at her and Wendy’s too unconventional to control but for what she’s doing on UPN (channel 9 is still UPN, right?), keep keeping on.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

HOLD IT SUMMER, I WASN'T DONE WITH YOU YET

Does anyone else feel like summer cheated him or her? The weather was horrible in June and most of July. August came around and folks were feenin’ for fun but even then, people were afraid to plan fetes in fear of dismal weather, like last weekend. Of course, Habana heads were never deterred, standing around in stilettos and/or tank tops with bike helmets to eat greasy sandwiches, corn or drink Coronas. Habana even hired some big muscular looking brothers to wear super tight black T-shirts that read, “SECURITY.” A la ghetto…

My calendar was full but I there were lots of days, weekends especially where I felt I had to press my way to party. Other people concurred because they were going hard, laughing extra loud, overstaying their welcome, and asking if anyone knew of other events. Nope. LOL. I look forward to being kissed by the sun when I wake up every summer morning but instead, I had more “Urgh” rain-filled moments, usually reserve for winter. On top of that, there was a shortage of shorties.

I thought this summer was going to be on and poppin’ but it wasn’t…not like my other summers were. I want a refund! A re-do! I have hot outfits that never made it to bbq’s, searsucker suits for soirees and pum pum party shorts that I hang forlornly in my closet. Why summer!!?!? Why!?!?

I’m not trying to bemoan, any long anyway, because September is here, though the last two weeks could have been fall in my book. This weekend, I’m trying to make the best of it but already, I feel like staying indoors with ice cream and a movie. Sigh…so long summer…

Enjoy Labor Day weekend!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

HOTEL OR FRIEND'S HOUSE?

Recently, a male acquaintance (Dale) asked my opinion on this scenario: My girlfriend and I are traveling to Florida and my buddy said we can stay at his place. My girlfriend is beefing about it. What do you think?

Of course it wasn’t as simple as Dale made it seem. After intense questioning, he finally admitted that:

1. He and his girlfriend may have to sleep on the floor but he believes his buddy (Janson) has carpet. In response, I said what self-respecting grown woman is going to want to leave her bed to make a bedroll on the floor of her boyfriend’s friend’s house? Besides that, carpet causes rug burns. He countered that camping involves sleeping on the floor. Yes, in the woods, in a sleeping bag with my boo. Actually, I would take an inflatable bed. That’s the closest I’m getting to the ground.

2. Janson has a roommate. Clearly Dale isn’t thinking about getting laid. I mean, does he expect his girlfriend to prance around in a negligee when there are two strange men in the house? Sexiness aside, if they’re staying in the living room, she’ll have to walk out in a towel and then get dressed there. One bathroom, one woman, three men. Need I say more?

3. Dale doesn’t believe in wasting money. Since Dale and his girlfriend would need to remain at the hotel two or three days, that could cost $200 - $300 and that’s the MAX because this brother is not springing for the Ritz Carlton or W. Dale’s logic is simple – that’s almost what he spends in monthly rent so it’s idiotic to spend that on a few days, mere hours.

4. If he doesn’t stand his ground, this could be a deal breaker. Clearly, they have other issues to combat because I don’t see this as a big deal. If he was on his last dollar, I could understand the scrimping but that’s not case. On top of that, when they dine out, they go to iHop. Sigh…

Would you let a friend and their significant other stay with you? I think back to the times I’ve stayed with friends and it’s been very select people because I don’t like being somewhere, feeling like I have to abide by house rules. In a hotel, I get up whenever, watch whatever, and downright lollygag. In my boyfriend’s friend’s house, I can’t see it.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

HOW MUCH IS YOUR EGG WORTH?

For reasons unnecessary to this blog, I wound up in a conversation about sperm donors. Using trusty craigslist.com as my source, I quickly learned that sperm donors were no longer popular. In fact, my search returned with none. I guess men are so busy giving it away for free that the sperm banks were full.

For some reason I thought sperm donation paid $500 - $1,000. Men throw it in the garbage or flush it down the toilet for free so I suppose $1,000 was a big come up. Anyway, plugging in the keyword "donor" resulted in multiple listings - for women. I was flabbergasted when I read $7,000 and up for eggs! What?! There were even ads that specified African American or Jewish eggs! You know what I could do with that money right now? Having recently had a fertility conversation with my gyno, I knew I had quite a bit of eggs to spare but would I want to sell my “x” dough?

I knew selling my eggs would never be my option. It just seems unnatural but I know many folks in tight spots right now and $7,000 could help some launch a dream business, catch up on bills, take a vacation, do home repairs or pay their child's tuition. Money aside, I'm sure there are quite a few families that would appreciate the egg donation, considering they're probably paying a small fortune for a baby.

With so many babies and children in dire need of adoption though, is filling out forms and having your child come in contact with a petri dish first, the best option? What say you? Also, check out the ad below…a real one posted by Paul!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

Please help me start my family!!

I'm a single man looking for an anonymous egg donor for gestational surrogacy. $12,000.

HAVE YOU NOTICED that all the agencies with postings here are offering to pay you about $8,000-$10,000? Well, they want to charge me $15,000 and keep the rest for themselves. I'd like to offer you $12,000 directly (plus all your expenses). Instead of helping an egg donor agency make money, please let's help each other!

About me:

I’m a writer who, believe it or not, used to write greeting cards for Hallmark (fun!). I’ve also written for Cosmo, Glamour and lots of other magazines. Now that I’m a freelance writer, I earn a good salary that lets me work from home, usually not more than 20 hours a week. Which means I’ll be both a working parent and a stay-at-home dad, emotionally but also physically present in my child’s life.

I recently spent several years trying to adopt a child from Vietnam. But the U.S. government abruptly shut down the program last September and—just like that—my Vietnam adoption ended. It was heartbreaking. That’s when I started exploring surrogacy. And the more I learned, the more I fell in love with the idea. Such a miraculous way to become a parent!

I have a surrogate. I just need to find a donor, preferably in the NY area, hopefully you! Does this describe you?

1. Super intelligent, with first-rate college credentials, grades and test scores to prove it. Sorry, but ABSOLUTELY no exceptions whatsoever.

2. Attractive. Of course it's subjective. So, while you can certainly stay anonymous, I will need to ask for photos.

3. In good physical health. Also, please be aware that you'll have to pass the clinic's medical, genetic and psychological screening.

Obviously I will ask for a fair amount of background information, but nothing that will force you to identify yourself. You can remain COMPLETELY anonymous! Just be sure to correspond with me from an anonymous email address (if you don't have one, they're very easy to set up at yahoo.com or gmail.com). I'll respond from an anonymous one as well. If we decide to work together, I'll refer you to my IVF clinic in Southern Connecticut---and they too will completely protect your anonymity.

Thanks for reading. I hope I hear from you!

HOUSE PARTY

I love a house party, especially the potluck kind. Remember when those existed? Your gracious host would provide the space, music and good-looking, intelligent friends who would swing through for a great time. Someone would bring some slammin’ mac and cheese, another couldn’t fry the chicken just right so KFC or Popeye’s made the menu along with dinner rolls, chips and dips, salads and whatever you favorite dish you were willing to bring. The key to the event was good company.

In 2009, things done changed. I’ve noticed all summer that folks hosting cookouts required guests to “bring a bottle.” Required? It’s not like they’re spot is some high-falutin, pretentious New York City club where two bottles of Grey Goose is required for table service. For Pete’s sake (who is Pete anyway?), it’s a home, maybe even yours so why is liquor mandatory?

I’m not one to indulge in alcohol so I would feel mildly annoyed by the obligation of bringing a “little sumthin’ sumthin’” bottle that’s not going to quench my thirst, much less make the back of my throat. The dollar amount isn’t the issue; it’s the principal. If someone invites me over, I’m cool with bring something but does it always have to be a bottle? And isn’t the entire purpose of the event to socialize? Does it always have to involve the inebriation factor? I guess I’ve been having a good time without the liqs that the bottle requirement seems well, a bit much. If guests were showing up to every house party or cookout with tofu patties and a box of powdered eggs from their local food pantry, that would be another story.

Next thing you know, the hosts will have a dress code to come in their crib: no timbs, doo-rags, uncollared shirts. Stylish is a must. No exception.

After buying my last bottle of wine, I started showing up with plastic cups, ice, and/or juice. And guess what, it was useful. Occasionally, I even showed up with my long hands swinging. LOL. The hosts didn’t need anything at all. In fact, some even wound up with an arsenal of liquor. I suppose they’ll hold it for a more exclusive fete or drink themselves into a stupor, OR, OR, hold onto the liqs until another person invites them to a bottle-only party. That way, they can tap their own cabinet.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice