CAN YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITHSTAND A BREAK?

Every so often a friend, who is more like a sister, and I take a hiatus from each other. It’s not that we schedule a time out; we just go our separate ways—managing our respective lives and taking a breather. Then one day, we’re back, like we never missed a beat that lasted several months.
As I thought about it, I doubt most people can do that with their friends—not that one should aspire to take a pause. We connected the other day after not seeing each other for two months and we chatted and laughed and rolled our eyes at the foolishness of the men we, respectively gave/give our hearts to, and planned to connect again soon. Like this week. Okay fine, that in-person thing will become a phone call but you understand that we’re back in-communicato.

What I came to realize is that our bond of friendship is so strong that a few weeks, or even months out of the year matters not. We can catch up on life’s events in the space of one good long conversation, which may be a few hours but no important detail is left in the wind. So I wonder, how many friends can actually claim that level of strength and security? Are there people you communicate with repeatedly throughout the hour, day, week? If any one of them decided to hit the pause button, would you be upset? Could your friendship withstand the break?

Which leads me to this: if you hit the “me time” button with a friend, can you press it in a relationship? Suppose your significant other isn’t cool with it; do you break up with the person or do you hang in there frustrated.

Lata Lovelies,
Betsy “Baller” Ice

DO YOU REALLY WANT WHAT YOU SAY?

For some time now, I resolved within myself that I want to get married. Yup, Betsy is ready to be someone’s wife and mother and the only thing standing in my way is finding a like-minded brother. Apparently, I have a case of picking-the-wrong brother syndrome.

Recently, I had a conversation with a ‘friend’ who I’ve been romantically interested in for a bit and what I finally accepted is that though he wants to get married and have children and even conceded to “it’s past time that I settle down”—he’s over thirty-five years old—he just hasn’t and isn’t in a position to do so because he’s still figuring out what works for him. He’s selfish—not in a bad way—but he needs to get himself together as a man. To enter into a relationship now would mean he is knowingly dragging a woman into a situation destined to fail, while he exhibits jerk- and sabotage-like qualities…all to silently say it’s not the right time. I respect his stance on “doing me,” right now.

The story: I went on a date with someone the same age as my friend. Date one, dude is like tell so-and-so you’re with your future husband as I wrapped up a phone call. I laughed it off…and tried to laugh it off every other time he said it. I get it. He wants to get married. So do I. Isn’t that the ideal? I asked myself. Meet someone, who, right out the gate is ready to answer Beyonce’s ring call?

Post date I started to wonder why I didn’t like him more. He’s clearly a great guy, one that I would befriend. Yes, brothers, befriend. I realized a long time ago I need fireworks and passion when I meet someone. That slow burn stuff…well, it just isn’t me. More than that, I started to wonder what was the difference between these two eligible bachelors that claimed marriage? What I came to believe was this: the first guy, let’s call him Mr. Flirty Friend, wants to get married but is not prepared or ready to say, “I do.” The second man, “Mr. I Got Your Ring,” is mature and is akin to the Doe Fund tag line—ready, willing, and able. Then I had to ask myself—I want to get married, but am I ready? I think I am, but can I solely blame lack of chemistry for my reason for gravitating to Mr. Flirty? Truthfully, Mr. I Got Your Ring exhibited qualities that would definitely make him a dutiful husband.

I thought more about my own readiness question and decided that chemistry is a big part of any romance for me and that will lead to the one thing that makes a relationship work—feeling like the person I’m with is my partner on every level.

Neither of those men are right for me, so Betsy’s still single in the city! Single men, send me a picture or something! Lol.

Lata Lovelies,
Betsy “Baller” Ice

WHAT CAN'T YOU LIVE WITHOUT?

Lovelies! It’s chilly in NY but thank goodness I slept my morning away. If I can just get to my office before 4 p.m. I can claim that I was working.

Anyhoo, assuming you had all the essentials in life—food, family, friends, finances, shelter—what three things could you not live without?

At first, I thought to say my computer. What else can you use to talk, read, write, listen to music, make movies, and store 11,452 pictures that never get printed? The more I thought about it, the more inaccurate that was. I would hate to live without Alicia Meyers, Fela, Dwele, and Biggie but I could forego their much played music for a notebook. Paper. Paper would be one of my choices. Choice number two would be a natural—pens. Who cares about HBO, Showtime, and Bravo (except for Real Housewives of Atlanta) when my own life is more interesting? When I'm old and grey, I want to life or frown about some of the antics of my youth.

Then came number three. I was more considerate with the third choice, thinking this would have to be more important that than the others, since I already have my imaginary Bally bag and Jimmy Choo shoes. This would have to be something that could complete my life. Then I remembered the one thing that has been with my all my life in varying forms—my bible. Whether it's the little green New Testament--remember, folks used to hand them out for free back in the day?--it's been a part of my life and heart since I was tot.

Since I was oh-so-fatigued and couldn’t make it to my office today, I had to cook my own breakfast which led to random thought number two—what condiment could you not live without? This was easier than the aforementioned question. Butter. I generally dislike salt, except, well… Anyway, as I slathered every corner of my bran bread with butter, I thought, “This is the best damn condiment ever.”

Running off to work. Share your can’t live without three or number one condiment. Curious to know what rolls through your mind.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy "Baller" Ice