DO YOU REALLY WANT WHAT YOU SAY?

For some time now, I resolved within myself that I want to get married. Yup, Betsy is ready to be someone’s wife and mother and the only thing standing in my way is finding a like-minded brother. Apparently, I have a case of picking-the-wrong brother syndrome.

Recently, I had a conversation with a ‘friend’ who I’ve been romantically interested in for a bit and what I finally accepted is that though he wants to get married and have children and even conceded to “it’s past time that I settle down”—he’s over thirty-five years old—he just hasn’t and isn’t in a position to do so because he’s still figuring out what works for him. He’s selfish—not in a bad way—but he needs to get himself together as a man. To enter into a relationship now would mean he is knowingly dragging a woman into a situation destined to fail, while he exhibits jerk- and sabotage-like qualities…all to silently say it’s not the right time. I respect his stance on “doing me,” right now.

The story: I went on a date with someone the same age as my friend. Date one, dude is like tell so-and-so you’re with your future husband as I wrapped up a phone call. I laughed it off…and tried to laugh it off every other time he said it. I get it. He wants to get married. So do I. Isn’t that the ideal? I asked myself. Meet someone, who, right out the gate is ready to answer Beyonce’s ring call?

Post date I started to wonder why I didn’t like him more. He’s clearly a great guy, one that I would befriend. Yes, brothers, befriend. I realized a long time ago I need fireworks and passion when I meet someone. That slow burn stuff…well, it just isn’t me. More than that, I started to wonder what was the difference between these two eligible bachelors that claimed marriage? What I came to believe was this: the first guy, let’s call him Mr. Flirty Friend, wants to get married but is not prepared or ready to say, “I do.” The second man, “Mr. I Got Your Ring,” is mature and is akin to the Doe Fund tag line—ready, willing, and able. Then I had to ask myself—I want to get married, but am I ready? I think I am, but can I solely blame lack of chemistry for my reason for gravitating to Mr. Flirty? Truthfully, Mr. I Got Your Ring exhibited qualities that would definitely make him a dutiful husband.

I thought more about my own readiness question and decided that chemistry is a big part of any romance for me and that will lead to the one thing that makes a relationship work—feeling like the person I’m with is my partner on every level.

Neither of those men are right for me, so Betsy’s still single in the city! Single men, send me a picture or something! Lol.

Lata Lovelies,
Betsy “Baller” Ice