I DON'T

I don’t. I don’t want to marry you. Not yet anyway. That’s what I heard this morning on Regis & Kelly. Yes, I watch the show before work. Regis was out hosting Who Wants To Be A Millionaire so some dude was co-hosting with Kelly. He was rather uninteresting but I tuned in when he started talking about relationships, in a real way. After saying that he proposed to his now-wife in the parking lot of Outback Steakhouse without the permission of her parents, he said they had only been dating three months when he know “she was the one.” Three months? Wow. A brother can’t even have my home number in that time frame.

He went on to say that he couldn’t imagine himself dating someone for more than a year without proposing. Wow. That’s what I’m talking about. He kept talking and eventually said that he couldn’t see himself dating a woman for six years (like the show’s producer, Gelman) then proposing and having a year long engagement (again, like Gelman). Ol’ boy said seven years was too long and quite frankly, he could lose interest in that time as he suffers from ADD. Now, it’s different with his wife because that’s who he committed to go home to each and every night so there’s no reason to be “on the lookout” per se.

At this point in my life, I agree. Seven years? I might as well start college again as a freshman and acquire a double Masters Degree. I’m not saying I want a drive-thru relationship or husband, but I’ve gotten to a place where I know myself – and what I will and will not tolerate. Compromise is good; concessions are not. And let’s be honest – I may look and feel like a PYT but my eggs have a timer on them and seven years out isn’t the best look from where I stand. Besides, these are the best years of my life. I’ve figured out a lot of me and I'll venture to say that most people around me are on the same path to self-wisdom. What would be the hold up in getting engaged and married?

In some regard, I share ol’ boy's sentiments about suffering from ADD or just plain old distractions. If I’m dating someone for four years, chances are, I figured out three years prior that I want to be with him and yet, he’s not sure if I’m “the one?” How much longer should I “hang in there,” waiting for him to get on bended knee? Another four years? That’s ludacrous!

I know men often give their version of valid reasons for not being wedded and bedded. One guy I knew was dating a woman for about 2.5 years and she was waiting for him to pop the question. He didn’t. His reason? He wanted to marry her but he wasn’t together – meaning, he was living with roommates, had incurred a truck load of debt, etc. In his heart and mind, he knew that was the woman he wanted to spend his life with so he changed jobs to earn more, saved, paid off personal debt, bought a townhouse and a truck then proposed in year four. Why did he do all that? He said he didn’t want to offer his fiancée/wife a life in an apartment nor did he want his personal debt to become part of theirs. That made sense but then again, it wasn’t like he was 38; he was 27 when he proposed.

So what am I saying? I’m on the six month plan. In that time frame, I can figure out if the relationship is worth exploring on a more serious level. Six months in, you’ve probably seen the person butt-naked, tasted their so-so cooking, figured out he is a neat-freak, spend-thrifty, calls you every morning to hear your crusty voice, handy around the house, likes to cuddle during sleep, massages your feet like a ritual and, AND, received the thumbs up from friends and family - some anyway. The next six months for me is really organizing my thoughts and figuring out where the relationship is going. Sometime during this point, marriage should come up.

Gotta rock to a meeting folks (clearly I blog during work hours). To be continued tomorrow but chime in so far!!

BTW, the picture above is how sisters BE showing off their ring after waiting so damn long! LOL

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice