FLATLINED DATES

I'm starting to wonder if love or chemistry exists. On one hand, I am certain but on the other, there’s a big question mark.

For me, connection on many levels is instrumental and instantaneous, vastly different from the feelings I've had for the last few exes and the eligible gentlemen in my current dating pool. Quickly, these brothers flatline or wind up in the pal zone, which most men despise. Sometimes I like them in the pal zone because we can hang out and have a good time without being fraught with the pressure to call, not call, who called last, what time di you call, etc.

The last time I was really and truly interested in someone was several years ago. I've dated and been in relationships since then but I had to be "convinced" that the person COULD be a good match, though there was one person I was really into but we were in different stages of life with made us incompatible. For the former, I mentally compared notes based on socioeconomic status, charm, ability to gel well with my family and friends, etc. Sometimes a brother fell short but because he continued to pursue me quite intensely, I conceded even though I realized we weren’t completely compatible. Some brothers were definitely pal material or at best, worthy of the dating zone but being a mate was out of the question.

Though the ex and I were unable to make it forever as an au pair, there was a valuable lesson. When I saw him, I thought he was fat with a gap in his teeth wider than Anthony Anderson's. He was sweating profusely and my mission was to avoid eye contact. That fell through when the brother wobbled his way to me. I didn't want to talk but the first thing out his mouth made me laugh. Hysterically. We talked for five hours after that.

I didn't love him immediately but I liked his energy. Our chemistry was fantastic and that made me want more of him - on the phone and in person. And the same held true for him. We made the time to see each other and talk daily. And actually, for the years we spent together, there was only one day we didn't talk.

I write this because I met a man recently that I really like. I thought. We had good phone conversation but on the first date, he damn near flatlined. As the evening wore on, I highly encouraged him to have a third glass of pinot noir. He loosened up a bit and even made a few chuckle-worthy jokes. But, therein lies the problem - who wants to be, or rather, continue to date someone who is so dry that only inebriation makes them seem them seem palpable? Apparently, Jamie Foxx had a point…

I suppose I’m still looking for that connection…the one that makes my heart go pitter-patter and my lips curl up ever so slightly in a soft smile. I want to be interested and spend my mental free space thinking about that person.

Just musings…anyone out there feel like that anymore? Married folks?

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

FIGURE OF SPEECH

Betsy’s street game/ebonics/slang is terrible and I’m proud of it in most instances. However, recently at work (yes, the zoo), I said to someone, “Where’s the sun?” The guy responded, “On your mouth, on your teeth.”

With limited reference, I believed it to be a sexual reference – sun becomes son and my inference was became fellatio. When I approached a colleague about it, we wound up in a three way meeting. My colleague, male, also said he only knew it as a dirty/yellow teeth joke. Well, I only knew it as a sexual joke. In part, I think my indignance, propriety and sense of offense may have muddled the situation.

The person apologized though my objective was less about an apology and more about understanding professional boundaries. in retrospect, I could have asked others what their interpretation was, giving me more food for thought though the only way to clarify a situation like that is to go to the source. After a few minutes, the guy was reprimanded and I kinda feel bad but then again, I felt violated when he said it so…

Thoughts? Share them all here - the blogosphere!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

FORGET THE ESTROGEN PARTY

Betsy’s birthday is approaching and the one thing that’s on my mind is the birthday lay. EVERYONE I know has gotten laid on his or her birthday EXCEPT BETSY!!!! LMAO. I’m either single and not willing to just sleep with some random person or traveling with my homegirls whom I love, but cumulatively, we’re the estrogen party. There was one time I came close to getting laid on my birthday but my party lasted into the early hours of the next day so even though the brother broke me off, it didn’t count. Sigh.

I thought there was a winner this year. Met an intelligent, witty, attractive brother a while ago who genuinely piqued my interest. After some time, he started acted weird, which led to whack and finally, a violation of his 90-day probationary period according to my good friend Steve Harvey. LOL. Truth be told, brother-man was getting LUCKY with the 90-day rule as Betsy likes to live by the 180-day rule. ☺ Anyway, I Donald Trumped his azz and fired him since he wasn’t on his j-o-b. In his next relationship he should date a cheerleader who will patronize him even when he loses like John Starks in the 1994 NBA Finals or a therapist who will someone to listen to him complain.

Understand that I’m not dismissing diseases, marriages and everything else in between; just saying that I wanted to sweat my perm out! Alas, another dry 25th birthday. LOL. My iPod is loaded with all my you-can-get-it-come-hither songs love songs in addition to two raps – Biggie’s I’m Loving You Tonight and L’il Wayne’s, Mrs. Officer – inclusive of all the accoutrements for accurately role play the latter.

Brothers, please note that this is not a plea for you to help me out. Quite the contrary. I’m certain that Diddy would hook a sister up (LOL) but if I want a one-off thing, I would have done so a long time ago.

Anyway, next year. Same time, different place. For everyone else, check out Kamasutra positions - http://www.jijasali.com/kama.php?category=positions

Shout out to all my folks in the Hamptons this weekend! Holler!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

FANCY FOOTWORK

So Betsy was out getting her party on recently. I love to drop it like it’s hot and scrub the floor with it but, I’m also a selfish dancer – I like to dance solo. These days, I find that men either can’t dance, can’t follow my rhythm or they’re just interested in well, physically showing me what they’re working with. Save that for the women who like the in the club stuff Ursher sang about.

Anyway, I was dancing and this dude came over. My two-step sans drink was going quite well but I was also amenable to dancing with this brother. Key word dancing, not grinding. Folks, the dj starting playing Biggie Smalls, Method Man, Beenie Siegel and whatever ‘hard’ music you can think of that requires one to NOT dub. Why was this brother pressed up on me like a too-tight faux ponytail on a scalp? I tried to give him the hint by moving away but he kept pressing up. Frustrated, I stopped dancing completely and he just kept on keeping on. Even more so! I guess he wanted to show me just how much and how fancy his footwork was so he tried to press me up against the wall.

Though I’m young, I’m way past to point of being pressed up the wall, unless I really want to…and I’m at home. LOL. Seriously, brothers, that’s whack though I’m certain the men that are always seeking out big booty women will disagree (right, Mr. Papers? LOL).

Parting in the 90’s was much better when everyone danced. Men had to do the Kid-N-Play Kick Step or the Bogle while women did the Mike Tyson or the Butterfly. Sigh…I miss those days…

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

FAKE FACEBOOK FRIENDS

I am annoyed when people ask if I have, or request my facebook address. Are you kidding me? You have my mobile number, home phone number, my momma's number, all eight of my emails PLUS you send texts and are one of my buddies on my bberry instant messenger as well as AIM. Do you REALLY need another mode of communication?

Quite frankly, Facebook, or rather FB as the hardcore users affectionately refer to it, is generally a waste of my time. My life is so full of things and people (some of which need to be cleared) that the last thing I need is to respond to a gazillion people on Facebook.

Finally though, I buckled to pressure and created a page. I saw MAD people from high school which was initially nostalgic but then I also spent a warm sunny Saturday twirling on FB with pseudo-socialization, updating myself on who’s married and who’s your baby daddy instead of going to Habana Outpost with the sidity folks and wonder breads.

One of my friends has become an online super sleuth, unearthing tidbits of information then turning it over into full storylines, akin to Days of Our Lives. I'm not mad at her; actually, I find it interesting especially when she shares the stories with me. I don't want to do the work but I sure don't mind knowing sometimes. And perhaps that in itself is the problem with FB and the other social networking sites – there’s so much information floating around – from your ‘status’ to who you know that one’s life becomes as public as a politician.

Anyway, I was "talking" to someone I went to high school with. We lost contact over the years but when I became one of her "friends" ol' girl started updating me about her life now and sent her digits. She even invited me to her birthday party! We used to rock hard in high school so instead of sending another delayed response, I called her. She never called me back. What kind of stupidness is that? And ol’ girl is STILL sending messages. What do we have to talk about because she certainly didn’t want to chat it up on the phone but wants to tell me her she’s married with children and where she lives?

Quite frankly, I don't want to be "friends" with her anymore. If it was a regular friend, whom I communicate with sans FB, I wouldn't care but here's this person I haven't spoken to in almost a decade and she's telling me everything under the sun via FB but ain't return a call? Nah, B.

Besides that, Kanye made a statement recently about not needing Twitter because everything it offers, he needs less. I cosign that ‘Ye!

Read the full albeit quick article here: http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/chi-talk-kanye-twittermay14,0,2813941.column


Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice