FLATLINED DATES

I'm starting to wonder if love or chemistry exists. On one hand, I am certain but on the other, there’s a big question mark.

For me, connection on many levels is instrumental and instantaneous, vastly different from the feelings I've had for the last few exes and the eligible gentlemen in my current dating pool. Quickly, these brothers flatline or wind up in the pal zone, which most men despise. Sometimes I like them in the pal zone because we can hang out and have a good time without being fraught with the pressure to call, not call, who called last, what time di you call, etc.

The last time I was really and truly interested in someone was several years ago. I've dated and been in relationships since then but I had to be "convinced" that the person COULD be a good match, though there was one person I was really into but we were in different stages of life with made us incompatible. For the former, I mentally compared notes based on socioeconomic status, charm, ability to gel well with my family and friends, etc. Sometimes a brother fell short but because he continued to pursue me quite intensely, I conceded even though I realized we weren’t completely compatible. Some brothers were definitely pal material or at best, worthy of the dating zone but being a mate was out of the question.

Though the ex and I were unable to make it forever as an au pair, there was a valuable lesson. When I saw him, I thought he was fat with a gap in his teeth wider than Anthony Anderson's. He was sweating profusely and my mission was to avoid eye contact. That fell through when the brother wobbled his way to me. I didn't want to talk but the first thing out his mouth made me laugh. Hysterically. We talked for five hours after that.

I didn't love him immediately but I liked his energy. Our chemistry was fantastic and that made me want more of him - on the phone and in person. And the same held true for him. We made the time to see each other and talk daily. And actually, for the years we spent together, there was only one day we didn't talk.

I write this because I met a man recently that I really like. I thought. We had good phone conversation but on the first date, he damn near flatlined. As the evening wore on, I highly encouraged him to have a third glass of pinot noir. He loosened up a bit and even made a few chuckle-worthy jokes. But, therein lies the problem - who wants to be, or rather, continue to date someone who is so dry that only inebriation makes them seem them seem palpable? Apparently, Jamie Foxx had a point…

I suppose I’m still looking for that connection…the one that makes my heart go pitter-patter and my lips curl up ever so slightly in a soft smile. I want to be interested and spend my mental free space thinking about that person.

Just musings…anyone out there feel like that anymore? Married folks?

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice