GOOD VERSUS GREAT

Most people, especially the single ones want a good man/woman. When you find a good person and get marries/partner-up, you want him to be a good father/mother. I don’t.

In my growth, both emotionally and spiritually, good is like being a second-class citizen. I second class nothing. Because I’m great (see previous post), I can only pair up with someone that is equally great. Why should I settle for someone who cancels dates at the last minute? Or, someone who is a “workaholic” so he spends his days plowing away at the office? Better yet, a man who cheats on me? Really? You didn’t recognize my greatness so you crept out with the next chick? Thanks but no thanks.

During a recent church service, Reverend Floyd and Elaine Flake preached about what it took to be a good father. Check out the musts – straight from the pulpit below (yes, a sister takes notes in church). Some men can definitely use the reminder (some don't need it) and for folks that don’t have children yet, apply the same qualities to finding a great man:

1. ADJUST HIS SCHEDULE TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD. How many of us are sooo busy we can’t consistently spend time with each other? I coordinate brunches, dinners and ice cream dates with friends! I call myself spontaneously but oftentimes, I live according to my blackberry calendar. And with a child? What do folks with kids do - add ‘change Johnny’s diaper’ with a 15 minute reminder to the calendar? My take – make time for your kids – check their homework, have a family night, go to the botanical gardens, show up to a PTA meeting. For the folks that don’t have children yet, make time for the people that you love. Have brunch with your dad. Play cards with your siblings (for money of course) or have a ladies only roadtrip with your mom.

2. LIFESTYLE. Make sure your lifestyle is favorable and can be emulated by your child. Essentially, avoid be the best dope dealer, having the most baby mom’s or being a cheat. Cheaters never win.

3. HAVE THE WILL TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT FOR THE CHILD. Just because you don’t get along with baby mom’s, doesn’t mean you should shortchange the child. My take: you got along when you were sexing, so don’t act the fool now and walk away. Baby mom’s (or pops) impossible to deal with? Talk to your child directly and let them know you’ll be going on a particular day. Avoid talking to baby mom’s if she’s explosive; send her text or a postcard indicating when you’ll be picking up/dropping off YOUR child. Sometimes men take the cop out and say the kids are bad or the baby mom’s is bad or the man is bad but do you really want someone else raising your child? You can still be part of the village…

4. MAKE SURE YOU GAIN AS MUCH KNOWLEDGE AS YOU CAN ABOUT WHAT YOUR CHILD IS DOING WHEN THEY’RE OUT OF YOUR SIGHT. Cross examine if necessary. Going to Tristan’s house? Make his parents will be there instead of a harem of horny teenagers. I’ll even add, make sure know they’re email, Facebook, My Space, AOL, etc. addresses. A cursory glance at some children’s My Space will tell you that little innocent Sally isn’t so naïve when she’s posing like she’s on a photoshoot for King magazine.

5. DON’T BE EMOTIONALLY DISCONNECTED. You know those dads – the pomp and circumstance kind. The difficult to talk to kind. The absolutely so silently he seems like a mute kind. If you’re committed to being in your child’s life, you have to be available to talk, listen and dole out sage advice on almost anything. Paying the bills and buying everything a child wants is great but what really counts are the times that a child remember happy moments with their father – first movie, playing sports, shopping, etc. Smile at your child sometime…

Separately, an acquaintance wrote a nice commentary on MJ. Read here - http://otiko_30.blogspot.com/. I declined. There’s nothing else for me to do save prayer that his soul is rested and his family holds steadfast. Rest in peace, MJ.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

GREETING THE EX'S NEW BOO

The ex’s are coming out the woodworks – with their new boos. How awkward is it to see your ex with their new boo?

Not only did I run into an ex who was with his family – kid and baby mom’s – but a few days prior, it was another, more recent ex’s fiancé. We had not formally met but I recognized her, courtesy Facebook. She recognized me but I could tell that it was probably from a physical description by ol’ boy since he's a talker and probably described everything about me down to my eyebrow arch. Anyway, I met ol’ girl fiancé AGAIN and this time they were together. He beamingly introduced us. I shook her hand and with a million dollar smile, said, "Congratulations."
Honestly folks, thank the LORD that I looked amazing! I know it’s base but come on! Who wants to be the epitome of busted when you run into the next broad or man? I’m not taking anything away from ol’ girl…just saying, I’m great. I’m great. :-)

It’s really a weird situation though. I didn’t meet baby mom’s but I recognized her; I saw pictures of her. Doubt she recognized me because there would have been no reason for ol' boy to start flipping through the iPod of pics with his current girlfriend. In both instances, it was a smidgen surreal to see the other person.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

GRIEF

Today, I found a young brother I worked with was stabbed to death. He was nineteen. As the news was related to me, I felt my heart sink and my stomach somersault. Folks in general are quick to dismiss young folks who have strayed from the straight and narrow. This kid – a kid really because who at nineteen was in their prime of adulthood? – was doing well at his second chance of life. He had dreams. He had goals. He was smart and crafty in a good way – he had legal hustle plans this time around. On top of that, he was a father.

He was a vivacious, respectful kid with a bright smile. He lived hard; there were age lines on his face that belied his young years but his robust energy and enthusiasm said otherwise. I tried not to cry as conversations merged into memories but my mind alternated between the senselessness of losing someone so young and trying to figure out what would possess another human being to kill someone else. Moreover, the mere strength and determination that it takes to stab someone is downright malicious and evil. I suppose if he were killed by a stray bullet – no less a loss – but one could chalk it up to wrong place, wrong time though in the end, it’s all the Lord’s time.

I sort of wonder when, where and how society to could fail another so much that their objective, conceivably, becomes homicide.

I pray for this young brother’s family and whatever religion or spiritual beliefs you have, I ask that you do the same.

- Betsy

GETTING AXED

So folks, it’s ax time. Worry naught mon amis, Betsy was not on the chopping block but a colleague offered some “helpful” tips to me before making her final exit at the j-o-b. Though I’m not next in line to be layed off, she mentioned that folks are watching me, not because I mess up, but because I do my job. Very well. Isn’t that insane? You would think that all the slackers, foul-mouthed offenders and band of folks who spend more time on smoke/coffee breaks than actually working, would be included in “restructuring” or “budgeting” justified layoffs.

I’m notorious for being aloof at work. I have a motto: "I’m here to work, not make friends. Understand that I will be amicable but friendships are a bonus.” Most people can’t begin to comprehend that because they’re so busy trying to kiss ass, save their ass or figuring out which ass is part of the in crowd of the week like Degrassi High. I, on the other hand, exchange pleasantries to everyone on the way to/fro my office and more often than not, keep my door is closed. People are downright nosy and the last thing I want to do is divulge my entire life to my coworkers who are notorious gossip-mongers. Not everyone is like this, but the gross majority, are.

The thing about my gig is that there’s a lot of leeway – to excel and screw up. For the most part, I supervise me and the same holds true for colleagues in my department. The only time I really need to speak with my boss is if I need time off or if there’s a situation that requires ‘management’ interaction. Other than that, I could go weeks without communicating with her. Besides doing my job, I dress professionally. Folks around the office look like they roll out of bed into the office. Every day I arrive professionally dressed and prepared to work, folks ask me if I was going on an interview. I despise that. Do people really think if I were going on an interview, I would make it a public announcement? Well actually, to be a jerk, I might actually confirm it... LOL.

Perhaps I’m still naïve but I still believe in being honorable at work. I refrain from sabotaging someone else in order to make myself look better. I’m great regardless – and not greater than the next person - just confident and great in who I am and because of that plus intelligence, being chic, amicable, happy and a good worker, it culminates to trouble. I could usurp the next person, “stealing” their job but that would still would be out of my control. People don’t understand that if they’re meant to be somewhere or have something, nothing and no one can interfere with the Lord’s plan.

I will say however, another colleague (whom I trust as a friend) and I spoke about improvements that need to take place in my department. She’s a director in another unit who recognizes my supervisors lackadaisical attitude isn’t helping to keep a tight ship. She suggested I send her a draft of ideas which she’ll present to the big boss (everyone’s boss) in another meeting. I think she’s trying to help put me in a supervisory role which is great but thus far, I shied away from it in part, for fear of seeming like I was undermining my boss. She loves her job. I love my job too but for vastly different reasons and the truth of the matter is that I don’t plan to be at my gig forever – one more year would be tops. But the more I think about it, it's time to go for mine and leave with a senior position than a lay one.

Anyway, anyone else in a similar situation or was layed off recently? Anyone outright fired or just want to do their job without the office politics but get drawn in because you’re minding your own business? Share away!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice

GOOD DATE!!!

Seems like forever since Betsy had a good date. A friend recently mentioned going out on fifty dates this summer and now that’s become a personal goal. Forty-seven more to go!

I went to dinner with a man I’d met almost a month ago while on vacation. We didn’t exchange information initially but we ran into each other recently and this time, we both gave up the digits. Our initial conversation was almost 1 ½ hours and good too! We hung up because the hour grew late and we both had to go to work the next day. The funny thing is my sister was at my house and I told her he would have a maximum of twenty nights & weekend minutes. If I couldn’t extricate myself form the conversation at that point, I would give her a sign to call me so I could click over (knowing it was her) then tell him I had to go. Lol. I could have just cut the conversation short but my sister and I both found the latter scenario more funny.

Anyway, I never gave her a smoke signal. Our conversation was intelligent, witty, sarcastic, humorous and completely engaging. I could only hope that our date would be the same.

I was fashionably, but unintentionally late. The brother showed up thirty minutes early, which made his wait an hour. My bad. From the moment we saw each other though, we chatted it up! He looked a little different in his chocolate brown suit; the other times were social settings and he was getting his drink and two step on. I made a slick comment about having to walk around the car to open my own door. Best let him know to step up his chivalry. LOL. Anyhoo, dinner was amazing…not the food, but him. He’s attractive and intelligent and there was this ease between us. Sometimes you go on a date with someone and it is flatline (see previous post) and other times, it's pure lust; this was more intimate like a walk in the park holding hands or a foot massage (Betsy LOVES those).

He drove me home and we spent another hour talking in his car. I liked it. He sent a message when he arrived home and then again this morning. I really liked that. Whatever is brewing between us isn’t the wildfire feeling I described in the previous post; it’s more of appreciation and adoration. Hmmm…to be continued.

Anyone else had a good date lately…ever? Lol. Share here…

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice