GOOD VERSUS GREAT

Most people, especially the single ones want a good man/woman. When you find a good person and get marries/partner-up, you want him to be a good father/mother. I don’t.

In my growth, both emotionally and spiritually, good is like being a second-class citizen. I second class nothing. Because I’m great (see previous post), I can only pair up with someone that is equally great. Why should I settle for someone who cancels dates at the last minute? Or, someone who is a “workaholic” so he spends his days plowing away at the office? Better yet, a man who cheats on me? Really? You didn’t recognize my greatness so you crept out with the next chick? Thanks but no thanks.

During a recent church service, Reverend Floyd and Elaine Flake preached about what it took to be a good father. Check out the musts – straight from the pulpit below (yes, a sister takes notes in church). Some men can definitely use the reminder (some don't need it) and for folks that don’t have children yet, apply the same qualities to finding a great man:

1. ADJUST HIS SCHEDULE TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILD. How many of us are sooo busy we can’t consistently spend time with each other? I coordinate brunches, dinners and ice cream dates with friends! I call myself spontaneously but oftentimes, I live according to my blackberry calendar. And with a child? What do folks with kids do - add ‘change Johnny’s diaper’ with a 15 minute reminder to the calendar? My take – make time for your kids – check their homework, have a family night, go to the botanical gardens, show up to a PTA meeting. For the folks that don’t have children yet, make time for the people that you love. Have brunch with your dad. Play cards with your siblings (for money of course) or have a ladies only roadtrip with your mom.

2. LIFESTYLE. Make sure your lifestyle is favorable and can be emulated by your child. Essentially, avoid be the best dope dealer, having the most baby mom’s or being a cheat. Cheaters never win.

3. HAVE THE WILL TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT FOR THE CHILD. Just because you don’t get along with baby mom’s, doesn’t mean you should shortchange the child. My take: you got along when you were sexing, so don’t act the fool now and walk away. Baby mom’s (or pops) impossible to deal with? Talk to your child directly and let them know you’ll be going on a particular day. Avoid talking to baby mom’s if she’s explosive; send her text or a postcard indicating when you’ll be picking up/dropping off YOUR child. Sometimes men take the cop out and say the kids are bad or the baby mom’s is bad or the man is bad but do you really want someone else raising your child? You can still be part of the village…

4. MAKE SURE YOU GAIN AS MUCH KNOWLEDGE AS YOU CAN ABOUT WHAT YOUR CHILD IS DOING WHEN THEY’RE OUT OF YOUR SIGHT. Cross examine if necessary. Going to Tristan’s house? Make his parents will be there instead of a harem of horny teenagers. I’ll even add, make sure know they’re email, Facebook, My Space, AOL, etc. addresses. A cursory glance at some children’s My Space will tell you that little innocent Sally isn’t so naïve when she’s posing like she’s on a photoshoot for King magazine.

5. DON’T BE EMOTIONALLY DISCONNECTED. You know those dads – the pomp and circumstance kind. The difficult to talk to kind. The absolutely so silently he seems like a mute kind. If you’re committed to being in your child’s life, you have to be available to talk, listen and dole out sage advice on almost anything. Paying the bills and buying everything a child wants is great but what really counts are the times that a child remember happy moments with their father – first movie, playing sports, shopping, etc. Smile at your child sometime…

Separately, an acquaintance wrote a nice commentary on MJ. Read here - http://otiko_30.blogspot.com/. I declined. There’s nothing else for me to do save prayer that his soul is rested and his family holds steadfast. Rest in peace, MJ.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy “Baller” Ice