Can men and women legitimately be platonic friends?
Recently, I found myself hanging out consistently with a male friend. We were so uber-cool that he was like Betsy’s male-BFF (JM – you’re too far to claim the title). Things were going well; we were all over the place having dinner, checking out concerts and partying together. Then came the push-up; the hugging me a little longer and tighter than necessary, the shoulder rubs and the best one yet, the cock block – invading my personal space when another man was present..or giving me the "eye". Another friend calls it cup-caking. Lol
Men who try the back door policy – hang around until an opportunity to be more than a friend presents itself – can complicate my boundary-filled life. I pride myself on maintaining strictly platonic relationships with men. I’m that chick that’s totally fine with a male friend staying at my house during vacation and vice versa. Stop by for dinner, grab a plate and make yourself comfortable…just know there’s no ESPN watching. If we’re partying together, we can dub or break dance but at the end of the night, you’re going home to your wife or girlfriend hot, sweaty and faithful.
When my almost male BFF tried to push up, I had to shut the brother down. He’s attractive and cool but I can’t imagine myself running home to him every night…or any night for that matter. We can run around the city to “hang” and “chill” but booing up is not an option.
So what did he do? Stop talking to me! What kind of trifling thing is that? To be fair, he didn’t say he’s not speaking to me; he just hasn’t called in a bit and we used to speak everyday. I understand he’s a tad miffed but boundaries have to be respected. Why jeopardize a good friendship for a potential mediocre mate? Outside of our friendship, he would never come up on my radar. Ever.
I thought I was doing him a favor by refuting his advances. I have a friend that would definitely be a better match for him. Betsy is too much woman for him to handle. Ask my exes. LOL.
Off to dinner…solo…at Habana. LOL.
The recap: on lock this week with work
On tap: see previous statement
Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice
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6 comments:
Oh man this is so true! I went out with someone today who kept saying "I don't want to be your friend." My thought was, well homeboy what do you think my man is supposed to be.
They just don't get it. These fellas don't play that with me cause from a mile away and around the corner I'ma let them know... you alright on the eyes, but you don't DO IT for me.
Girl this was a good one. I'm gonna have CW give her two cents cause she has this happen to her ALL the time.
Maybe its because you didnt define the boundries in advance!!!
As always, I have to chime in with my madness. Ms. Ice, is sounds like you were being platonically monogamous with homedude! LOL. Maybe you were just too comfortable and on on one of your many jaunts around and about town, you leaned over ever so slightly and showed him the word you hate!!!!
But seriously (like I'm ever serious), women often get TOO comfortable with their platonic friends. This is my take on it: Just because we are cool, that does NOT mean that if I am at your crib, you can walk around in your drawers (whether it be the granny bloomers or not) or anything revealing. First and foremost, and last but not least, I am a MAN, period. There is but so much blood in my body and as physics dictates, it can not occupy 2 spaces at once! Maybe Betsy, if you had BLACK GUMS, dude wouldnt have thought 2wice about you, but then again, that would have changed the dynamic of your friendship. Who would want to be caught hanging out with the girl with Black gums?
and I'm gone......
would you like icing with that?
LOL!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mAkgmXWEjig
^copy & paste link
Yah boy was loitering around the 'tang, until he saw an "opportunity", in which he thought the drawls(i love that word :-D) would drop. and now he's mad? lmao! he's part of the large percentage of men who are clueless on non-verbal body language. *SMH* i'm just glad im not part of that percentage, lol.
if he really wanted to get at you, he should've holla'd @ your homegirls.... works everytime ;-)
Loitering around the 'tang. That's classic material and should be one of the 10 Crack Commandments. It should go right after:
9. Thou shall not put plumber's crack in face unless requested.
10. Thou shall not loiter round the tang.
There you go again (women- yeah, I said it!), complaining because a brother reminded you you're still desirable and 'somebody' still thinks you’re worth pursuing. What a tragedy!! Haha!!
Women always complain about men making advances until they no longer get the attention they spent their entire lifetime chasing. You spend your entire time beautify-ing yourself and then complain when you’re efforts get a response. Please, get over yourself.
Last I recall, Ms. Ice was pretty good looking islander (I’m trying to stack up some points for banana cake – 5 points in counting. And, No, that’s not the same as CupCaking. LOL!!!! What the heck is CupCaking anyway? Someone please explain…I left my hood-tionary back in the Bay.).
Anyway, I’d be more concern if he did not show interest. That would imply something is wrong with Ms. Ice.
As for platonic friends, yeah, it's possible. BUT, that is never, I mean, NEVER, EVER EVER EVER, a reason to be dismissed as a ‘possible’. NEVER!!
We can still hookup, umm...platonically :)
I want to know this, however. Let’s ignore his failure at translating non-verbal communications – you, know the tilting of your and the deep look-through-him look that says you’re not interested and move so I can check out the cutie behind you, look? Yeah, let’s ignore that. Let’s ignore the fact that some men will translate EVERYTHING you do as an invitation for sexual advances. Things like, umm….breathing, looking at him (or anything really), talking to him, talking to other people, or even being alive (consciousness optional). Let’s ignore that.
My question for you is why would you not hookup with a FRIEND? Or, when is it ok to hookup with a platonic friend? Obviously I’m not advocating hooking with everybody you know, but think about it. You call on your friend when you need help, need to hangout, need an opinion, need company, need to make food run, check out “that spot” and even to stand-in when your man is f*g up! That friend probably knows more about you than your mate does. Why would you not hookup if he/she asks? Say, for example, it's a nice evening and the “spot" really wasn’t popping that night, so the only available option is to go home and, umm...watch Andy Griffin. Would you accept the call? That's what friends are for, right? For good times, and bad times...I'll be by your side forever more, kind of friend. You know that kind of friend. Would you agree? You’ll both understand this will be a non-binding, letMeBeThereForMyHomeyCauseThatsWhatFriendsDoForFriends, type of hookup (I'm still looking for one of those. Rhatid!!). Would you be there, for your buddy?
On another note, ladies, get over yourself and face the truth. Men likes beauty, and him showing a little interest in you is a complement to you. Granted, it’s not cool to continue pursuing if it was already established it was not going to happen. But, until this message is directly delivered (not implied) the chance of being pursued should be expected.
I'll share a little secret with you. The possibility of hooking up with you is ALWAYS an option. Men may choose not to pursue this opportunity because of he’s searching for something more (translation - he didn't hookup in time before he was recruited to FRIEND camp so now we're stuck …as a FRIEND), or because he’s no longer interested (because he’s tired of trying to figure out how to escape the FRIEND camp), or something else is on the horizon( like your friend is a much better pursuit – so let’s hurry before he falls in her FRIEND camp too. LOL!!).
Seriously, I’m not saying platonic friendships are impossible. They are. However, do not confuse that as a replace for the attraction between you two. Attraction, like passion, does not discriminate and will always try to materialize.
In other words, don’t let your friends watch Andy Griffin! LOL!!!
Warning:
You must this funny [----------------------------] to understand the reference to Andy Griffin! Ha!
Whateva…
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