DECEMBER NOTES

This has been a good year. Certainly Betsy had a fair share of lows but there was nothing that was insurmountable. That will never happen.

2008, as it fades away with the dimming sunlight was about building and maintaining healthy relationships. I lost some folks – deleted their contact information because they offered no value in my life. Likewise, I met and/or grew closer to some magnificent people – EP, QB, KW, RC and of course, WP. These people entertained, mentored, listened, prayed and loved me. For them, I am grateful. Thank you.

For my inner circle guys and gals, you know who you are. Even if we don’t speak or see each other everyday, you are still my shining stars, especially when we found ourselves out on a late night cruising adventure, pole dancing, having brunch, shopping, laughing over another lost job, celebrating a promotion, brainstorming, cheering each other on and traveling.

I am ending this year on a high note. I’m happy 2009 is hours away but really, each day, each hour is an opportunity to do something different or make a change and that starts now. I compromised too much in the last twelve months and sometimes, right at the very beginning of a situation. ‘Twas a learning experience in one situation that led a half-ass relationship where 50% time I wanted out. And then there was the one that I wanted in… ☺

No resolutions for 2009. I have things to accomplish. Lots of them so going forward, call me Baller, baby.

All the best to everyone and know that everything substantive is possible.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Baller Ice

DO IT IN DECEMBER

It's December folks and Betsy is super-motivated. The universe shifted in my favor and all the stuff I was b-sing with just came to an end. I'm challenging me and you should challenge you too! To reference the great songstress Khia, "Just do it, do it, do it do it do it now" – from the hit, My Neck, My Back. The time is really now.

Most folks have long to-do lists but the issue is how many of those tasks are you checking off? If the answer is some or almost all, that's just not good enough. All tasks need to be completed and that's what December is about - everything. I want it all brand new socks and drawers. Me myself and I and if you can't get with the Betsy program, trust that some other mother-brother, will. Folks have been suckling at teats for too long and if by the twelfth month of the year there is no major progress/improvement, then I'll see you next lifetime. If you're regressing, holler at me when things are moving forward because I have no time for fake rhymes.

I’m working on projects that should have BEEN completed in the new season but thank goodness I'm energized and knocking them out. Here’s a snapshot of things, big and small that Betsy will complete before year’s end:

1. give away coats not worn in over 2 years (I’m not about to start rocking a Triple Fat Goose even if I had one)
2. send photos to friends and family (sometimes it takes a few months for me to upload)
3. enroll in a pole dancing class (DM I have my stilettos ready!)
4. buy orchids
5. learn chess
6. volunteer
7. send holiday cards before Christmas
8. apply to grad school/scholarships
9. order business cards
10. cut off or put some folks on the back burner

The last one is especially important because some people add/added zero value to my life. I maintained relationships with them for what seemed like an eternity and their situation kept getting more tragic each time. Now, I’m just tired of it. How many times can one person’s electricity go off in a month? Your car was towed again? Going to court with your baby daddy again? I think he’s intentionally working off the books so you can’t collect a check! For the folks are habitually broke - the bank is closed. There will be no more 'spotting' you or going out with you because you only give up the exact cost of your meal. Did you forget tax/gratuity on the ribeye steak and three drinks you ordered? My favorite – you’re so busy you can’t see me? Stay busy because with all the grand things I have going on, I know you’re not trying to tell me you’re a workaholic – working on a t-shirt side hustle for the last four years and ain’t sell one shirt much less press up a sample. Please! Sorry, I digress.

Anyway, you get it. You know those folks.

On the flip side, do things a little different for you. Holler at that colleague and keep it discreet. Date more and sweat the title less. If the brother is acting the fool, let him keep his dunce hat and holler at someone else – that adores you just the way you. Go out solo and scrub the floor with it. Meditate. Apologize. Say I love you more. Wish your enemies well. Be honest.

Anyway, you get it so do it, do it, do it, do it, do it and maybe your neck and back can get involved. Oh yes, share your list as well!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap: Persaud Brothers party at Canal Room. Banging

On tap: Spring fashion collection preview

CRY ME BROKE BROTHERS

Okay, fine. Recession. Folks are feeling the pinch in their pockets, grocery items seemed to increase by 50% and Betsy has to go Salon Dominicano where the stylists call me “Mami” instead of my usual expensive ‘sister’ stylist who knows my name. With all this oxymoronic spending more and cutting back, THE LAST THING Betsy wants to hear is a man crying broke. Actually, in west indian terms, it’s “bruk.” What the frig is that? A dutch date?

Brothers, if you’re in the courting stages with a woman, the last thing they, or let me speak for myself, I want to discuss is how hard your times are. I watch CNN, I know the financial industry is collapsing and people are losing jobs in almost every industry, but you can take me out on a date and sponsor the entire event? How about you borrow a few c-notes from your boy because I’m not interested in looking up at a menu; I want to look down.

I’m not against paying but if every conversation revolves around how low your cash flow is, that’s an issue. My electric bill is sky high but I’m not pulling out the statement to show you on our first date. How awkward would it be if I said, “Look, my service interruption date is November 28th. I wonder if ConEd will do a payment arrangement?” LOL. I handles my business (yes, I pluralized) – even if I’m standing in line at the coin change counter at Commerce Bank.

If a man is going to talk for forty minutes straight about how tight he is, the likelihood of a date looks like nil. Not because he’s “bruk” but because dates with him because would entail him coming to my place, complaining some more, watching my cable for free, eating up my Whole Foods food for free then slipping in something about “liking to stay indoors.”

It’s okay to cut back on expenses; just be upfront about it in a non-complaining way and get a little creative. Do these hips look like they need another meal? Don’t answer that. Suggest a cultural activity to your new lady-friend like going to First Friday at a museum where admission is reduced or FREE. Meet for lunch/brunch (less costly than dinner) or, spend some downtime at a bookstore then head to a chocolate bar for desserts. Amazing what you can do in public with tea, chocolate and cantaloupe slices. Finally, if you absolutely have to come to my place because there’s lint and crumbs in your pocket, then bring some microwavable popcorn from your house, along with my favorite movie which you happen to have (or borrowed from a friend) and massage my feet and back the entire time since my spa appointments are cancelled until further notice. Damn cutbacks.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

COMMODE COURTESY

When you’re in a shared bathroom space like work, why is it some people don’t understand how to be courteous? For instance, there are three stalls. You’re in the last one because it’s farthest from the door, sink and anyone else who may enter. Then someone enters. Common courtesy dictates this person take the first stall but not this lady. Runs right into the middle stall. The last thing I want to hear is what a person is dropping next to me.

For some people, it doesn’t matter if there are ten stalls. They’re right next to you.

Men have it even worse. Urinals. A brother is standing at the last urinal and a dude bypasses the other four stalls to stand next to him. What’s up with that?

The worst offenders are those that want to talk to you in your stall from their stall. In the event folks haven’t figured it out, this is my time. I don’t want to talk about what you ate for dinner or gas prices or how Will and Jada look on the cover of Essence. I don’t care. I’m using the bathroom. Talk to me on the outside when the remnants of whatever you’re letting go doesn’t choke me. I can’t open my mouth to talk, much less breathe. My gosh. Eat less curry goat meat or something.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap: Level V. That joint was pumping!

On tap: Brooklyn's newest Friday night party will be bringing the heat this Friday November 21st. Presenting: "Hotter Than July" at the Lowpost
(Habana Outpost Lounge). Another reason to keep it in Brooklyn. 2 floors of red-hot dance, sizzling old school & roasting reggae joints
all night long. DJs The Ahficionados (Deffrei & Reggiment), OP! & July will be stoking the fire & keeping it raging on the 1nes & 2wos.

Admission is $3.
Low Post: 757 Fulton Street corner of So. Portland
9pm to 4am

COMPANIONSHIP DOESN'T EQUAL A RELATIONSHIP

Winter is almost upon us which means frigid months ahead. If you're not "bunned" or "booed" up yet, it may just be too late to get a winter snuggle buddy.

Typically, men start to act crazy around this time - the holidays. They want to holler at you but there's the awkwardness of holidays with family and friends, company soirees and of course, gift giving. Does a man invite the woman he’s been dating for the last three weeks to Thanksgiving dinner with his family since ol’ girl folks are west coast? Or, you tell the person you’re dating how grand your company holiday parties are and you can bring a guest. Do you invite the man you’ve been dating for the last month because he’s full of personality? Or better yet, are you snuggled up together counting down to the new year or should you jet to a tropical isle with your homegirls?

Lastly, there’s the gift giving “situation.” Do you give just because you want to? Is it a little awkward when you give just because and you hear, “Oh, I don’t celebrate Christmas.” Then why did you accept the gifts you $#@&?! Sorry, thinking of a previous situation. DM – the scarf is yours if you ever see it again!

Back to bunning up. Betsy wrote this while laying in bed at 11pm last night and I kept thinking, “It sure is chilly.” The only thing next to me was my blackberry with its blinking light winking at me. I would much rather a lovely brother to snuggle up with than my phone.

To clarify, companionship doesn't equal relationship - as in we're together, boy/girlfriend or partnership. Companionship is someone that Betsy wants to hang out with when it's convenient. Now, a man may call and though it wasn't on my mind to see him, I'm happy to hang out. See folks, conversation + convenience = companionship. For everyone. And no booty calls! It's about spending time with someone you're actually interested in minus the title, obligations of making that person a priority and holiday quandaries. I don’t need to be someone’s girlfriend right now. I just want to get together and have a good time. It’s that simple. I suppose though, when you tell a man that, he has a difficult time processing that information as he believes every woman is a man-eater. Nope. I’m a nibbler. LOL

Seriously though, there are a lot of single folks out there - Betsy included - (sigh) but I have options. We all have options. If the person you're dating is hung up on titles, hang him up and keep it moving. And share the love! if you see someone that looks like your friend's "type", get some contact information on the person and pass it along. A former coworker met his girlfriend like that and now he's married!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap: being off for Veteran's Day and sleeping late

On Tap: Just Danny Simmons party. Holler!

CANCELING DATES

Recently, someone called Betsy a flake. A %$#@!&* flake – can you believe that!?! Then I thought about it and realized that lately, I’ve been, um, committed to people and events that I just can’t make/meet. Classic superwoman syndrome.

I WANT to attend but I’m so busy doing a zillion things that sometimes when it comes to a social event, I just don’t have the energy or enthusiasm to make it. That’s when bed rock and pillow jam takes precedence.

Sunday past though, I held myself accountable to a prior engagement – a celebratory Obama brunch with the ladies. I was totally committed to meeting up with my friends then I received a message indicating that more than half the group cancelled!?!? Not only was a bit peeved but I was STARVING. I foregoed eating, stacking my hunger up for the hurtin’ I planned to put on buttermilk pancakes and chicken sausages only to find the outing was cancelled. On top of that, I declined another brunch invite saying that I was already committed to another engagement. The self accountability thing really works.

Thing is folks, it’s just not cool to cancel. Of course there are instances where an unforeseen circumstance comes up but other than that, learn to be accountable. If you need improvement in this area, make sure your friends keep you accountable by reminding you about engagements. Too many unjustified cancellations will have you on the no-more invite list.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap – no brunch – obviously but made it out for a bit at a local bar/lounge. The spot was very un-noteworthy but thank goodness the company was entertaining.

On tap: Danny Simmons party Thursday. Holler if you want to rock.

BLACK WITH CRACKS

Women who wear excessive foundation bother me - especially when the hug me and I'm wearing white.

Recently, I ran into a woman I had not seen in eons. Ol' girl hugged me tight while pressing her highly 'decorated' cheek against my au naturale one.

When I finally arrived home to happily wash of the NYC grime, I noticed a HUGE spot on my cheekbone that looked like a bruise from a brawl. After my initial shock, I realized ol' girl's mocca foundation and purple blush smeared on my face. I was annoyed (but glad this makeup offender dodged my white shirt) and was astonished to discover that the hug-press-your-cheek-against mine had extended to my line of my jaw!

I've seen this woman before and she is always 'decorated'. Don't women know by now that applying massive amounts of foundation and whatever else can clog your pores further? Your pores need to breathe for goodness sake. People aren't stupid and makeup doesn't hide everything. We see your blemishes.

Further, what do women like this do when they're in a relationship? Apply makeup before going to bed? Or, say if they're getting down with their boyfriend/partner/husband - unless you're into straight missionary and don't turn your head and the brother never holds your face tenderly or tries to kiss you, the makeup won't come off but otherwise, you're dirtying their sheets! One or two times may be passable but what man wants to sleep with a woman who leaves brown all over the sheet? Yuck.

It’s alright to be gussied up and beautied out sometimes but e'eryday? Do THESE women wear white? You know what? They're probably the ones that try on clothes and when another woman goes to purchase the item, the size she needs is the makeup stained one your excessive foundation-self left behind because you left the stained and picked up a fresh one.

Lighten up on the makeup ladies and recognize that part of your beauty is your flaws. Even Betsy them. No, only one. ;-)

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap: easy week, not much

On tap: MANJINGA MASQUERADE PARTY @ SPUTNIK w/SAMBA DANCERS & LIVE DRUMMERS: FREE B4 10PM $7. w/RSVP OCTOBER 31ST
262 Taafe Place, by Dekalb Ave.
Brooklyn
9:00pm - 4:00am
FREE B4 10:00pm, $10 After
$7 with RSVP
Drink specials all night
G to Classon
www.myspace.com/manjingaparty

BAD ECONOMY & CRIME

Seems like each time I pick up a newspaper or watch tv, there is talk of a bad economy - layoffs, foreclosures, gauge-like gas prices and stay-cations (staying at home for vacation instead of traveling). The one thing I haven't heard much about, conceivably a direct effect of the aforementioned, is crime rates. In the last several weeks, three people I know have been robbed. One person was pick-pocketed; another robbed at gunpoint and the last, an assault (near beat down) and robbery. Two of the three crimes were committed by young men who thus far, have not been apprehended.

It's easy to cry, "Foul!" and rightfully so, but this seems to point to a larger issue at hand - folks are desperate and making crime an option. When someone gets jailed for stealing a cell phone, that's sheer stupidity.

I met a young man recently in rehabilitation/education program that was on the brink of 'graduating' and needed a job. After applying for a few jobs with no callbacks yet, he expressed that he didn't want to commit another crime (robbery) but he was growing weary of stomach pains due to hunger. He lives with him mom and she doesn't work so the both of them are sitting around starving and having a swallow your spit contest. Clearly, his stupidity was a big part of the problem (stealing doesn't pay) but his story was real. The problem was and is, there are others in this situation that see violating other people as an option. They may be uneducated coupled with desperation and in the streets. A smart person in the streets would have went a church, food pantry or soup kitchen to eat and get information on social services.

So folks, just a message to be more alert (get off that blackberry when walking home, especially in the night; have your keys in your hand before you get to your car or house door; avoid going in your wallet repeatedly for small purchases [like puffy cheese doodles] - keep a five spot in your front pocket, etc.) which will greatly reduce the chance of being jacked.

Birthday shout out to KD!!!!!

The recap: Habana Outpost with QB! Thanks for a great afternoon. At 3:30 pm the food hit the spot. At 3:30 am, I was on the toilet with the worst stomach pains ever. That was a clear message from my stomach: "Don't eat food from a truck silly." The message was repeated at 4:10 am. Had to share and hopefully save some folks from the same plight. Habana will NOT be seeing my money again.

On tap: Vote & Live! tonight at the Tribeca Grand. It's gonna be big.
We are screening two films about how the GOP stole the past two elections and how they are planning to do it again. very important. please spread the word and do whatever you can to help us elevate the visibility of the event and the issue.
And if the future of democracy isn't enough we are having a great party upstairs with DJs Spinna, Moni, Blu Jemz, Herbert Holler, plus speakers including Kevin Powell and City Councilperson Gale Brewer. Doors at 8:30. open wine bar until the river runs dry. screenings at 9:00.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

BETTER WEEKS AHEAD

Betsy is having a long week and the weekend is not even here yet. I've been under the weather (but recouping) and some folks graciously offered to take care of me. One of those offers was grossly unwanted.

The story: A coworker has been CHATTING my ears off for weeks and I've endured this man's conversation upon conversion upon conversation. One day he said to me, "I was thinking about you this weekend and that's pretty big because I never think about my coworkers." I wasn't thinking about him. Another time dude says, "I was thinking about you again but didn't have your number to call." I changed the topic of the conversation. Third time, "Hey, give me you number so we can talk. You ran across my mind the other day. I wanted to talk to you but didn't have your number." It would be almost impossible to call if someone never gave you their number. Finally he said, "What's your number?" Folks, I couldn't get out of that one so I gave him the digits with this addendum, "I rarely answer my phone so best text me."

A non-thirsted out man would have read between the lines and never sent me a text but not ol' boy. He sent a text to find out how my weekend was going. "Swell," I thought to myself. "We can talk during normal business hours and not Saturday afternoon."

When Betsy was out sick from work, he sent a text that was something to the effect of, "Hey, I rushed into the office to see you today and you weren't there. Heard you're out sick. Sorry to hear but let me know if you need anything. I can use my Dr. Feel Good Hands to make you feel better. Bleh, bleh bleh." People, what kind of what stuff is that? We're coworkers for goodness sake! I've never even hinted that we should be anything but amicable staff members. In fact, when he offered to take me out to lunch, I dipped out on him and he was a bit irate. Said I needed to get some fresh air. From his hovering self.

Not only is this man WAY inappropriate, he'll also qualify for a social security check - next year!

The kicker now is that he's throwing me shade! I said hello to him one day and he walked right by. Tried this a second time and he acted like it was painful for him to say hi.

Note: work is place of business, not a playground. I don't play in sandboxes that belong to dirty old men.

The recap: Danny Simmons art fundraiser. Tres cool.

On tap: Havana Outpost this weekend folks!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

BUDGETING

The other day, I bought a pair of shoes, not the flats I originally set out to buy but instead, a pair of fancy stilettos that were well, too fabulous to resist.

This purchase led major purchasing contemplation. I've always bought what I wanted (within reason) and paid my credit card off in full at the end of the month but, and I hate to say this, the recession is really affecting me. When I actually sat down do a serious budget (again), I realized how my grocery expense had increased by at least 20%. The tissue boxes at Family Dollar used to be $3.50; now they're $4.50. A half-gallon of ice cream used to be $4.99; now it's a quart and change (damn company shrunk the carton thinking folks wouldn't notice) which means I have to buy the Cookies & Cream flavor frequently. For the first time I bought some random brand of chicken because it was on sale. My commitment to Perdue could not be sustained when a pack of their chicken is $6.39/lb. I had to buy the $1.99/lb no-frills brand sale joint I never heard of. I cut back on the cab rides, started washing some dry clean only clothes in the washer but my dollars still seem to be disappearing.

On top of that, the NYC Comptroller William Thompson announced that over the next two years, NYC will lose 165,000 jobs; 35,000 of them will be in the financial services sector. And my friend was layed off recently - 1 of the 35,000 jobs the comptroller talked about- already. In a way, I've been able to rebuke this talk of recession. I was having a great life, living it up over the summer but when my friend lost her job it was like the dude at the end of Spike Lee's School Daze screaming, "WAKE UP!!!!!!" I'm up, I'm up, I'm up!

A departure from the usual mélange of musings but this incessant talk of recession is troubling. So my new shoes isn't really the problem (though I could have paid a bill or two with that money) but I'm looking at ways to cut back and with the exception of using candles instead of Con-Ed and eating Ramen noodles (never had those), my coffers are looking mighty low. I even thought about getting a second job but truthfully, the idea of working at some mindless retail job for $12/hour is even more depressing.

This all brings me to this - entrepreneurship. According to the comptroller, almost 1 out of every 5 persons is self-employed. Besides the computer technology industry, seems like folks should be moving their business ideas forward.

So, is anyone finding more financial success as a f/t entrepreneur? Anyone have a side hustle that is bringing in some good bucks? Anyone lost a job and is now branching out on their own f/t? Or, let us know your cutback plan.

Share your story folks!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR - OVERWOOING

I was irate with a fellow I dated because he wasn't a good communicator. Dude insisted on sending IMs instead of picking up the phone to talk. I'm cool with some text messaging and IMs BUT that should be supplemental communication, not primary.

A mischievous angel must have understood/heard my plea because lo and behold, along came a brother that called and texted me so often that I dubbed it “overwooing.”

At first, I was alright with it; I even found it flattering. However, after less than a week of conversing, dude asked me to marry him. At first, I chuckled. Hahaha, that was cute. It was cute when he said it again for the second time the following day. But, in less than a week he brought up the Jagged Edge, “meet me at the alter” four times! Listen folks, I want to get married but not to someone whose last name is a mystery and I’ve yet to go on a first date with. The last 'marriage' conversation went something like "We can get married next month." As in November – before Thanksgiving. LOL. He has a job so it’s not like he wants to get own my health insurance…you know how some folks do.

I'm not in love with him nor am I in need of a shotgun wedding (see previous post). If this is idea of joking, the humor exited the building a while ago.

Again, generally, I like a man that calls morning, noon and night - just to say hello (LOL).... not extensive-talk-your-ear-off conversations. But this brother wants to talk in the morning for 20 minutes, during an entire lunch break, when I get home from work and right before I go to sleep. LOL. He has a lot to say and I have a lot to listen to I suppose. Men, please do not get discouraged by going "hard body" - a term my male friends from the Bronx use to describe, "hollering hard". But when you volunteer to be a househusband, call incessantly to the point where I turn my phone volume off, your hard body approach becomes a major turnoff.

Oh yes, there was this other guy that volunteered to drive almost 30 minutes from his house to mine…to take me to the Laundromat. It was a nice gesture though :-) Mr. Papers for President, some men like going out of their way for a sister! :-)

The recap: Nada

On tap: Banana-cinnamon pancakes for breakfast tomorrow and ladies night out in the evening. Ladies, drinks at my house if you want. Holler.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

BUST IT BABY...

Betsy totally believes in life happening in this order – wedding, bedding then conception.

Realist that I am though, I recognize things do not always happen in that order - or even under those circumstances.

The story: I ran into a man I dated a million years ago and we start catching up about our respective lives. I didn’t see a ring on his finder (and no, I wasn’t trying to holler back) so I jokingly asked, “When is the wedding?” Dude starts stammering an almost incomprehensible answer and finally, I piece it together. The woman he’s with (and has been with on and off over the last few years) is pregnant. Since they now live together, they’re clearly having an ‘on’ moment.

The shacking up isn’t necessarily newsworthy but Betsy was astonished by his response – he doesn’t want to have children out of wedlock. Guess he didn’t buy Fantasia’s first album which included the hit, “Baby Mama.” The idea of running down the aisle - A SHOTGUN WEDDING!!! - because ol’ girl is prego is very noble however, what did they expect when they were sexing sans protection? When you hit it raw, there is a very real chance of pregnancy occurring. Dude seemed a bit shaken. He should have listened to Wyclef’s song, Anything Can Happen “Sex with no condoms, oh no, that will never happen.” I would like to add…until marriage. That’s the utopian side of me slipping in. LOL

Feel free to chime in…especially the baby mamas and daddys.

The recap: Shout out to EM for helping to make my mini-vacation, fantastic and inclusive of multiple scrumptious breakfasts! (can you pluralize breakfast?)

On tap: Sleep

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

BUY ME A DRANK

Betsy like drinks, especially when they're free. A quick survey concluded that other women (and men) enjoy free drinks proffered at a club/lounge. It’s not that we (women) cannot buy our own drinks. Quite the contrary. It is more chivalrous (and seemingly tastes better) when some lovely gentleman buys it.

This is what I've encountered: A Trinidadian, Guyanese, Grenadian or any caribbean man will whine your waist out, see you choking because your throat is so parched from dancing with him for the last 18 soca songs and because he refused to let you go, you’re sweating like you just ran the 25K marathon. To add insult to injury, he will politely excuse himself to buy a red bull or Heineken for himself (unless it's a real caribbean party and they're selling Ting - he'll opt for that).

American men will hip hop you to death, rapping and spitting in your face to some Jigga song like they created the lyrics. After, they'll say, "Excuse Miss, what’s your name?” Followed by, “I’ll be back after I get this drink. I like the way you move." Is that whack ‘compliment’ supposed to keep you rooted to the floor thirsty? Thirsty, I say! Dudes between Rhode Island and New Jersey will just slip away then you see their head bobbing at the bar. SMH

The exceptions are southern men. Those southerners like to have a good time and will buy you a drank before they even start blocking your spot and your man-traffix. Actually, the southerners Betsy encountered buy bottles and just sway all night. With the exception of go-go, these fellas are quite content to have a drink and a two-step.


The one group of men Betsy has to give a shout out to is Nigerian men. Maybe it’s something in the kokoro or jollof rice but these brothers like to buy everyone in their vicinity a drink. No, make that drinks. Why? They know how to have a good time and like to share the wealth. It's called good club/party citizenry. Note to men: follow this lead.

So ladies, the next time you’re out and some tight, cheap brother wants to dance you to death, point at your throat and say, “Buy me a drank. Whatcha think about that?” And no you can't come home with me. LOL

The recap: lounge in Brooklyn. Shout out to MT for dragging Betsy out of her bed and shout out to WP for joining the festivities.

On Tap: Lots. Details to follow.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

BAD BREATH

Have you ever started talking to someone and immediately their breath burned your nostrils? Well that happened to Betsy today. It’s one thing when someone is talking to you and his or her breath is foul but the ultimate tragedy is when the person asks a question and you open your mouth to respond - letting the toxic odor permeate your mouth. Then, their breath is so odiferous, heavy and tart, it seems to land on your tongue, allowing you to taste hot, raging frowsy funk.

While on the bus this afternoon, this girl asked me if my phone was good. I replied, "Hmmm?" hoping that give her breath some time to dissipate before answering. I erred in my thinking. This girl must have eaten a skunk and hummus sandwich topped with extra garlic and pickles for lunch because surely a fire rose up from the pit of her stomach to manifest itself as bad breath.

What made it even worse was that she was sitting next to me talking to her pops. Couldn't her dad say something or offer her a cool drink (look like he had a bag of groceries) to douse the flames that blazed in his daughter’s mouth? And, he KNEW her joint was humming because he kept rubbing his noise when she spoke. Shame on him.

If that wasn’t enough, it became apparent that bad breath ran in the family. The father's breath was raging too!! Each time he spoke, the daughter sniffed or rubbed her nose. I held my breath because the dad's joint was like an INFERNO!!! My gosh. My eyes were watering and this man was talking like his life depended on the conversation. Talk about hot. It was a million degrees in his mouth. His mouth needs to be hosed down by a fire truck.

Everyone has bad breath at some point but this father-daughter duo took first place in stank.

Speaking of which, RANDOM QUESTION: why do children wake up before sunrise, stare at you until you wake open only to ask if you're awake? LOL

On tap: First Friday at the Brooklyn Museum filled with all the Havana Outpost, I'm-so-creative-my-artsy-fartsy-oozes from-my-every-pore-types. Yes, I may be there as well. lol

Lata Lovelies,
Betsy Ice

BOSSES WHO TOUCH YOUR FOOD

Random question: Do/would you share a toothbrush with someone you're dating? I'm not saying use each other's toothbrush every single day (ewww) but say you're traveling or you wind up spending the night at your significant other's place - sans toothbrush. Do you use his/her's toothbrush...considering you've kissed them previously? ;-)

The story: Betsy's OCD is in high gear! Someone in the office ordered a few boxes of pizza and against my salad-loving lunch, I decided to have a slice. As I go to help myself, my "oh so helpful" boss decides to "serve" me. Ol' girl touched my pizza!!!! I was livid. The crust is my favorite part. So I'm standing there nibbling on the slice thinking how I could just throw the entire thing away because my appetite is gone but then I remember the kids starving around the world and save the children images guilt me into eating it. Of course, I ate around the crust and anywhere I thought her fingers may have touched.

This is what I didn’t understand - though I appreciated the gesture, I would have been alright taking a slice on my own. And if you insist, why not use a napkin to pick it up? It's like an office party where the person cutting the cake lets every slice fall in their hand...then licks their fingers and continues to cut and serve.

The recap: played it low key last night

On tap: Ashanti producer party or something like that. Let me know if you want to go...I'm on the guest list and highly unlikely I'll show up. Betsy has a date tonight ;-)

Lata Lovelies,
Betsy Ice

BACK IN THE SWING OF THINGS

Yes Lovelies, Betsy is back and I've missed you as well!!! I've been traveling quite a bit and doing a million things but you now have my undivided attention.

Speaking of attention, why is when you tell someone you have to run for a meeting, they say "Oh, I just wanted to tell you something really quick." You spent your quick time uttering that damn line! Today, I'm hurrying off to a meeting with 3 minutes to make a zillion copies and this woman wants to tell me a story. When I kept walking, she walked along to give me her story which was longer that "really quick." Telling me that folks are getting fired, discharged or layed off (however you chose to classify it but the fact is, you ain't gots no job) is never a quick story. See folks, I had to ask follow up questions like "Who?" and "For real?" or respond with, "Oh gosh." Of course, none of this affects Betsy because I keeps (intentionally plural) the number to unemployment on speed dial. If you elect to pay taxes at the end of the year, that's a cool $1620/month for existing. Free money!!!! LOL.

Yes folks, Betsy lost a job at before and was elated. And had a comfy severance package to boot. ;-)

Random things: Sat in a meeting last week and the entire time this Jamaican woman (must lay of the Hatians for a bit. LOL) used her pen cap to clean her ears - same pen cap for both ears! Guess she didn't realize America sells Q-Tips. If that wasn't enough, she "cleaned" the brown wax off with her hands. Won't be borrowing a pen from her...or eating any dishes she makes for a potluck. That's just nasty.

Next, this man announced that he went to the bathroom and the water wasn't working. So clearly he didn't wash his hands. I patted his shoulder to say thank you/farewell and dude extended his hand for a shake. I almost fainted.

The Recap: Much too much so let's talk about this weekend past. Shout out to WP for starting my weekend off quite deliciously. Shout out to QB for finishing it by rocking to MoCaDa (show me your pics!) and chiming in with OCD at Anima - an Italian restaurant on Myrtle Avenue that's NOT worth going to despite the free tiramisu they gave us. When we asked for small plates for oil (to dip our bread), the waiter snatched it from an adjacent table. I put it back when the waiter left and asked who seemed to be an owner or manager for another. Dude did the same thing and THEN grabbed another from a third table. Just terrible. Those plates could have been there all day collecting dust especially since the door was open. SMH

On Tap: BAM emerging artists on Wednesday and VP debate at a colleagues place. Anyone down to rock?

Lata Lovelies,
Betsy Ice

AFFECTIONATE TERM

Walking home in my newly gentrified area (remember back in the day the term was “mixed”?), a brother hollered at a white woman saying, “Whaddup Snow Bunny?! I can give you love too.” I was quite amused by his comment though I knew he could have been more tactful in his hollering. But sometimes, that’s how the “around the way” guys do things.

My neighborhood, which used to be inhabited primary by little old black women who lived in their house with their grand and great-grandchildren, changed. The faces moving in are more like Wonder Bread - and not the whole wheat kind either.

As Snow Bunny continued her walk home she commented to her friends, “Why would I listen to anyone who calls me by the color of my skin?” I don’t know how white guys holler at white chicks – do they even call it hollering? – but that is how brothers get down sometimes. This brother’s let-me-get-your-attention tactics wasn’t completely about her skin color (okay, the snow part), but when was bunny exclusive to white women? If this man was speaking to a sister, using some similar awkwardly, amusing but mildly insensitive comment, it probably would have sounded like, “Hey Thickness” or “My African princess/queen, I could be your king.” For women walking down Church, Nostrand, Flatbush or Utica Avenues, the line would sound more like, “Come yah Sweetness,” or “Dahlin (followed by a wink)'” or a rendition of Beenie Man's "Girls Dem Sugar."

The fact is, some men will try to approach a woman no matter what skin color she is. Snow Bunny was in this man's line of vision and he had nothing to lose by trying to verbally get her attention. Racial slurs of any kind are unacceptable but Snow Bunny...there's something comical about it. I wonder how Snow Bunny would have reacted to, “Girl, you are a fine piece of chocolate. White chocolate.” ☺

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

The recap : cookout in LI (just finished eating the leftovers), another screening of Sex in the City (that movie was more funny the second time around).

On tap: amusement park with a crop of fine men in sports. Oh yeah! My sport is looking…I’m inspired to pull out my “Carrie” Single in the City… at a park ☺ Kidding…

AN EX FRIENDSHIP- POSSIBLE?

Note: Not a picture of my ex. Details of who these dudes are, below.

Under certain circumstances, I believe it makes sense to be friends, or at least amicable with an ex spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/partner. For instance, if the chick is baby mom’s, keep the peace and be cool with her - and vice versa for the Mr. Baby Daddy of the Year. Say you own property or have a business together; it would be a good idea to be civil until you can claim everything yourself. Kidding…sort of.

Now, there are instances outside of the aforementioned that friendships with exes are permissible. One ex (from back in the day) and I are good friends. So chummy that if I knew a little lovely lady, I would hook him up with her. We talk occasionally and may even PLATONICALLY link up. Diddy, we’re overdue dinner ☺

The story: Betsy’s ex whom she has no valid reason to call friend, “reached out to see how things are going.” Needless to say, I’m a tad wary of his actions. Granted, we broke up a while ago and I no longer have any animosity towards him but I certainly can’t see the relevance in a friendship, especially now. Theoretically, if I saw the brother walking down the street, I would exchange pleasantries but I am certainly not keeping his info top of mind or inviting him to one of my Sunday brunches.

What bothers me more than him “reaching out” which I can tolerate for 9.5 minutes, is the fact that he’s married. I mean, when his wife says, “Honey, how was your day? Anything new and exciting?” Does he reply, “Why yes. I called my ex. Again. You know, the one I was with shortly before I married you?” LOL. Honestly people, it just seems a bit strange. If ol’ girl and I knew each other – say we attended the same university or was in a six-degree of separation friendship circle, it would seem more um, reasonable?

I’m not calling my ex, a cheater; just questioning his motives for wanting to “continue/develop” a friendship. Holler with your thoughts or if you’ve ever been in this situation. He’s not even a platonic friend trying to cupcake!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

P.S. I completely tormented myself by refusing to text or IM this weekend. Discovered the issue is with IM - sending messages for more than 15 mins consistently is just plain nonsense. A friend did spend 22 minutes IMing a super long story. Me thinks this friend should try this experiment.

The Recap: The damn Olympics! Usain Bolt of Jamaica in T&F, Tyson Gay who didn’t qualify but has the best butt EVER and Michael Phelps of the USA in swimming. Honorable mention for unintentional comedy goes to Richard Thompson of Trinidad who took the silver in T&F. Did anyone see that man rolling around on the ground? The only thing left for him to do was to run around naked or find a couch to jump on ala Tom Cruise. One more – Walter Dix of the USA took the bronze in T&F but did anyone notice he wore hater blockers akin Creepa on MTV’s From G’s to Gents? See comparison pictures above.

On Tap: Two words: Beres Hammond. Any takers? Will be there with solo if I must!

ADDICTED TO TECHNOLOGY

For those who don’t know, I am married, though I neglect to wear a wedding band. Instead, I have something better called a blackberry. Sleeps in the same bed, goes on vibrate and can call when running late (unlike some men).

The story: I met this really attractive man (he was Haitian…LOL). I’m terrible at returning phone calls but this dude was fairly persistent. Instead of calling him, I would send long text messages. After a few weeks we drifted off and in retrospect, I realize it was a bit difficult communicating with me via text only. I liked him but couldn’t find the time to talk but sending messages was a way to let him know I was thinking about him.

Now, clearly this can be the demise of a relationship. Text, IM and email should be a suppliment to in-person and phone conversations; not the primary method of communications. And yet, these days I still text, email, IM – because I can “chat” with 2 people via text, respond to multiple emails and “chat” with another 5 people via IM all having my undivided attention.

I have friends that steadily communicate with me via IM for LONG “conversations”. I realized this was a problem when I found myself 1 ½ hours later still IM-ing a friend (actually, it’s 2 of them) when we could have accomplished the same amount of conversation by phone in a third of the time. So in comes epiphany – not only am I wasting time, I’m losing real communication. LOL is not a good substitute for a person’s hearty laugh. The sad face emo-con doesn’t express the pout in my voice.

In an attempt to communicate better and challenge myself in a major way, I will call folks, even for a quick question. Yes siree, Betsy will not send any text messages or IMs this weekend…all weekend long. Already, I can’t wait for 12:01 am Monday. Now, I’ll read messages but no typed response so if you need me, best call. Really, holler!

Update: It's been 2.5 hours and the IMs are coming in. It is taking Herculean like strength not to respond. My friends, you are taunting me terribly.

The recap: Nada

On Tap: Party with the s’ak passé posse tonight; Beres Hammond Monday night at Wingate Park. Yes, I’m pressing this one because it will be dope (and it’s the last concert in the series).

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

ANNOYING BILL COLLECTOR

Telemarketers and collect agents have one of the worst jobs in the world (don’t pretend like you never had a phone call b/c of a “outstanding” payment).

This man called today for someone that has not had my phone number in years. Usually I have the patience to explain the situation away but dude really just caught me at an untimely moment and unfortunately his Indian azz - talking about his name is Jason Smith when I can straight up hear his accent - received the transference of my ire energy from someone else.

Sadly enough, the conversation went something like this:

Me: Hello!?!?

Man: Hello (all smiley and ish). May I speak with LaToya please regarding a personal business matter?

Me: Mista, you have the wrong number. (Yes, I said Mista)

Man: Is this 212.555.1234?

Me: Do you speak English?

Man: Yes

Me: Then you understood when I said you have the wrong number.

Man: I just want to confirm if the number is 212.55…

Me: STOP CALLING ME!!! Have a good day and good bye! Click the button as hard as I can.

I know dude was just trying to do his job. There is no excuse for being rude but grief, I was in a surly mood. I did manage to say ave a good day though ☺

Ah, need to practice patience but it sure was funny writing this post.

On tap: Scattergories, spades (someone pls teach me!) and sangrias at my place. Then, sleep. Beres Hammond at Wingate Park Monday.

The recap: So long ago…performances and parties.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

ATTENTION TO PLASTIC SHOES

Recently Betsy ran into a blast from the past friend. I wasn’t overly concerned about my appearance but I’m looking at the brother wearing a polo style shirt, pinstripe dress pants from the $99.99 suit shop and the worst fashion offense possible – plastic rounded toe shoes. I could hardly listen to him I was so enthralled by his foot gear. What grown man in 2008 wears plastic shoes -especially in the summer when they can hurt your feet more? The only place that sold those were Thom McAn and their free standing stores went out of business several years ago!

After relating this story to a friend, she posed a very legitimate question – how does this brother expect to meet a professional woman walking around half-stepping? LOL. Think about it – where can a woman take him? A company dinner? If the room happens to fall silent his cheap shoes will start making that squeaky-straining sound alerting everyone to his “financial situation.”

The recap: way too busy to kick it these days (that changes tonight - see below)

On Tap: The Live Musical Tribute to PRINCE & STEVIE WONDER @ Marcus Garvey Park

WHEN: Thursday, August 7, 2008

TIME: 6:30pm - 9:00pm

WHERE: Marcus Garvey Park
Madison Avenue and East 120th to East 124th streets
Harlem !

Contact: (212) 645-4011

The Eclectic Ride Presents A Live Muscial Tribute to the Originators 
Stevie Wonder & Prince. For one night only, Eclectic Ride is leaving 
downtown and coming uptown to Harlem’s Marcus Garvey Park . Bringing a 
reputation for ultimate musical exploration, Eclectic Ride will 
salute two of music’s greatest artists: Stevie Wonder and Prince. 
Join “ER” for a night of true inspiration as hosts, Forrest 
Renaissance and friends illuminate Marcus Garvey Park with a 
brilliant array of special guest musicians, vocalists, and dancers 
who will honor the work of these masters.

DJ EVIL DEE spinning the classiquest of classics!!!!

some of the confirmed artists include:
Maiysha
Alia Marie
Shaliek Rivers
Chanj
TL Cross
Kimberly Nichole
Raye 6

and some VERY SPECIAL GUESTS!

plus..
Nate Jones on Bass
Sharief in Burgundy on Guitar
Leron Thomas on Trumpet


AND

Garden Seeker Productions presents, Bi-Polar Thursday @Deity

Ali Shaheed Muhammad (A Tribe Called Quest & Lucy Pearl) spins every Thursday night
additional music by dj UncleMike

Hosted by Martini Cocoa
10pm-4am
Cover $5 b4 12 & $10 after

"breaking the rules : sublime beats: ridiculous energy : you know how we do"

Deity
368 Atlantic Ave(Hoyt and Bond) Brooklyn, NY 11217
718.222.DNYC(3692)

A, C, & G train to Hoyt & Schermerhorn
2, 3, 4, 5, B, Q to Atlantic Ave : D, M, N, R to Pacific St.

AND - SATURDAY

Saturday August 9, 2008

ROCK THE BLOCK!
A One Day Art Convergence in Brooklyn

Being held in 3 different locations, within the same block(s) radius.

1. Frank White- 936 Atlantic Ave
2. Yume - 925 Bergen St
3. Not Just Vintage - Bedford Ave

Live DJs - DJ Spinna, DJ Scratch, DJ GoldFinger & More…
With A Special *B.I.G. Pimpin': Jay Z & Biggie Tribute by DJ Scratch*

Live Artists / Spoken Word / Voter Registration Drive / Fashion Shows /Food-Drinks & more…

ALL DAY EVENT 12pm-8pm

*** ROCK THE BLOCK ~ Bringing Awareness To The Emerging Artist
Renaissance That Is In FULL FORCE In BK!

AN EVENT TONIGHT - ERYKAH BADU CONCERT

BUSY BUSY BUSY!

POST TO COME LATER BUT...

On tap: Errykah Badu is doing a free concert at Wingate Park, Brooklyn tonight. 7:30 pm. More info at http://www.brooklynconcerts.com/mlk.html

THE PLATONIC FRIEND

Can men and women legitimately be platonic friends?

Recently, I found myself hanging out consistently with a male friend. We were so uber-cool that he was like Betsy’s male-BFF (JM – you’re too far to claim the title). Things were going well; we were all over the place having dinner, checking out concerts and partying together. Then came the push-up; the hugging me a little longer and tighter than necessary, the shoulder rubs and the best one yet, the cock block – invading my personal space when another man was present..or giving me the "eye". Another friend calls it cup-caking. Lol

Men who try the back door policy – hang around until an opportunity to be more than a friend presents itself – can complicate my boundary-filled life. I pride myself on maintaining strictly platonic relationships with men. I’m that chick that’s totally fine with a male friend staying at my house during vacation and vice versa. Stop by for dinner, grab a plate and make yourself comfortable…just know there’s no ESPN watching. If we’re partying together, we can dub or break dance but at the end of the night, you’re going home to your wife or girlfriend hot, sweaty and faithful.

When my almost male BFF tried to push up, I had to shut the brother down. He’s attractive and cool but I can’t imagine myself running home to him every night…or any night for that matter. We can run around the city to “hang” and “chill” but booing up is not an option.

So what did he do? Stop talking to me! What kind of trifling thing is that? To be fair, he didn’t say he’s not speaking to me; he just hasn’t called in a bit and we used to speak everyday. I understand he’s a tad miffed but boundaries have to be respected. Why jeopardize a good friendship for a potential mediocre mate? Outside of our friendship, he would never come up on my radar. Ever.

I thought I was doing him a favor by refuting his advances. I have a friend that would definitely be a better match for him. Betsy is too much woman for him to handle. Ask my exes. LOL.

Off to dinner…solo…at Habana. LOL.

The recap: on lock this week with work

On tap: see previous statement

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

THE BLACK GUMS

Recently, Betsy has been feeling the heat from some folks! A mention here and there of her encounters with other Hatians - friends excluded - and everyone is giving Besty the riot act and surely planning a coup! One person lectured Betsy about the references then laughed at the Trinidadian statement in the next breath. Shame on you! You’re lucky I like you…still on for dinner? ☺ Si, pour le rest de mois, non plus de références a mes peuple d'Haiti. Désolé si mon francais est un petit agite mais t’adore moi en cas! Vive le sak passé posse!

The story: Ran into an acquaintance and as the brother was talking, all I could wonder was why his gums were so dark. I mean, some people have pink gums; some have tan gums but his joint was BLACK, BLACK, BLACK! Black is beautiful but gums? Oh gosh! And to top it off, his teeth, while white, were sharp. Like, if this brother tried to playfully bite his wife’s neck, he would tap her jugular.

Separately, PLEASE read this blog about Dinty Moore soup - http://twotoomany.blogspot.com/. The author is insane!

The recap: Nada…but Betsy’s back on the scene this week.

On tap: Private fashion show at Soho Grand…any takers?

Lata lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

THE ROACHY RESTAURANT

Before I start the story let me sidebar for a moment. I’m stepping up my Ebonics game by watching the Jamie Foxx produced trash show, From G’s to Gents. That joint is HILARIOUS - 12 dudes competing for $100K under the premise that they can leave the 'G' behind and become cricket-playing gentleman with the guidance of Fonzworth Bentley.

My favorite phrase to date is, “He speaks the wellist.” Is that akin to illest or a reference that the next ‘G’ speaks better/more like standard English than other show participants? If you’re watching, please holler!! Thinking about a mid-season party already…my place with mad ‘yak (that’s cognac I discovered).

The story: Peep this..lol. I’m starving and visit a local restaurant. As I wait for my order, I spy a super-sized can of Raid Roach spray. I mean, you can’t miss the Trinidadian-colored can (no malice intended to the red, black and white!!) sitting right under the counter near the drinking glasses – the same water glasses the waiter grabs for each patron as soon as they sit down. Immediately, I feel nauseous but I’m so hungry I would eat sand cookies made in Haiti (really, people are starving out there and eating cookies made of sand and oil…baked right in the sun!)

I didn’t know what to do – cancel the order and find another restaurant or take my chances that a roach didn’t get near the ingredients for my meal. I was so hungry, I couldn’t think. I’m mortified to say that I waited for the order. Pulled up a chair and avoided eye contact with the Raid can. Once I got the food home, I looked at it for a bit…checking for signs of a chopped up roach but didn’t see any. Can’t say I’ll be dining at that place again but for what it’s worth, that meal was good! I likened it to buying sandwiches from bodegas – folks are ordering the works when there’s flies attached to one of those catch-a-fly-with tape things hanging from the ceiling. Now, that’s too much for my tastebuds!

The recap: Watched Black in America and read a lot this week.

On tap: House party for a photographer colleague tonight. May swing by…holler if you’re interested.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

**Also**
5TH AVENUE PRODUCTIONS DEBUTS SECRET SOCIETY STAGE PLAY ARTS BANK THEATRE FRIDAY - SUNDAY

Fifth Avenue Productions in collaboration with Essence Bestselling Author Miasha will debut the theatrical adaptation of Miasha's novel Secret Society at the Arts Bank Theatre at 601 S. Broad Street in Philadelphia starting at 8pm.

Secret Society, the stage play introduces theatre goers to Celess and Tina, two hustling gold diggers whose fast-paced lifestyle came to a sudden halt when their shady past caught up with them. When the guys who are dating Celess and Tina learn that these girls are men- the dangerous game leads to tragedy.

Friday July 25, 2008 @ 8pm Press Preview
Saturday July 26, 2008 @ 4pm Matinee
Saturday July 26, 2008 @ 8pm Red Carpet/VIP night- SOLD OUT!
Sunday July 27, 2008 @4pm Final Show

For more information visit www.myspace.com/secretsocietystageplay and www.miasha.com. Tickets may also be purchased at The Arts Bank Theatre Box Office on the night of each performance, 800-616-ARTS.

Media/VIP guest inquiries contact: Dawn Michelle, 646-872-6678; dawnmichelle.pr@gmail.com

This weeks press coverage:
http://www.centerstagemag.com/kamah_scott_miasha_interview.htm
METRO Philadelphia, Philadelphia Daily News, Philadelphia Sunday Sun, 100.3 The Beat

THE SOUL MATE - DOES THIS PERSON EXIST

Today, I depart from the normal musings/comedy of life to pose this question – do you believe in soul mates? No, this is not about religion or being an evangelist so there’s no need to hang up the phone immediately, shake your fist with fury or stop reading. Just a passage from a memoir I came across and thought to share and please feel free to comment as well –esp the folks married or boo-ed up.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can’t let this one go. It’s over Groceries. David’s purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it.”

The end was an analogy about getting stuck in the same wanting place even when the relationship is over, thus making your life miserable. Hope anyone that has felt that way is happy today. I know I am. ☺

The recap: Ditched NYC for most of the weekend. Shout out to E for participating in an adventure….

On tap this week: Nada. Someone send me some event info yo!!! Is there an event drought??

Lata lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

THE HAIR IS SO NAPPY IT'S KNOTTY

Does nappy hair still exist? Think about it…when was the last time you saw someone with “extremely tight curls”? Nappy hair is the kind that could be coiled around dental floss, not your regular pencil curling iron.

Back in the day, the Hatian kids used to catch wreck at my high school. Make no mistake, some of my dear friends are Hatian (this part doesn’t apply to you people) but you know, some folks’ hair texture is just as illegal as coming to the U.S. on a boat as a stowaway. LOL. Even Africans folks are coming to the states with perms already…SMH…

Brothers nowadays try to disguise hair texture by rocking a baldy. One day, I met up with a male friend who again, always rocked a baldy. Let me tell you this brother’s chest hair was so nappy and peeking out of his open shirt that I wanted to vomit. It looked like his chest was blasted with black lint balls! Really!?!? He could have had the decency to wear a less revealing top (think turtlenecks and crewnecks) or shave it off…and anywhere else that looked like that! Goodness!

Shout out to the person that this post :-)

The recap: Prospect Park picnic with 1,500 folks. Brothers standing in the same spot 4 – 8 pm cradling a beer and nodding their head to every song. There may have been more men than woman…imagine that…and none of them thought to bring a football and do something. Breezed in, chatted with a few folks and left. Of course, the pseudo‘after party’ was at Habana. My peoples said it was still going strong until 12:45 a.m. this morning. Hope someone got some digits after all that hanging out. ☺ Shout out to everyone I ran into...you know who you are.

On tap this week: NY Philharmonic in Prospect Park tonight. Mid-summer bday soiree at Earth in NYC Friday. Holler if you want to rock. Harriet’s Alter Ego fashion show Saturday…details to follow.

Lata lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

TOES...BOOMERANG DID IT

Boomerang was the worst thing to happen to women. Prior to this flick, women were quite fine getting occasional spa pedicures or just polishing their toes themselves but then ol' Eddie Murphy had to make a big deal out of bunions. Who cares what a woman’s feet looks like? What happened to personality?

The other day a man practically knocked me over to get my attention. He said I had pretty toes. Of course I do. Boomerang wasn't about me. ☺

But, there is a gross misconception between toes and feet. Corns, bunions and fat feet are typically unattractive but that doesn’t mean a woman’s toes can’t be pretty. It’s like saying, “Pretty face but ol’ girl is obese.” Or, “Scottie Pippin has a tight body but please put a brown bag over that man’s head.”

I saw a woman recently wearing fancy sandals (at the Laundromat no less). Her toes were gleaming with brightly colored nail polish but upon closer inspection, her fourth toe was practically sitting on top of the pinky one. And it was like 1/3 the size of the pinky toe. Clearly a deformity.

See, men (and some women) get caught up in toes/feet but you can only tell if a person’s feet is busted in the summer. In the winter, you have to wait until the right situation presents itself where the socks and shoes are off. And let's be clear - men have busted feet too. I have pictures to prove it!

Back to ol’ girl. My first thought was “Eww.” But then stopped. Again, who cares? It’s her husband’s job to suck her toes and massage them feet. Don’t front brothers… I know I LIKE that…LOL

Anyway, chill on the feet discrimination and remember that Iman said, “I’m beautiful from the ankle up.” Check the links below for pictures of Iman and Keri Hilson's feet.

On tap this week: MIH picnic in Prospect Park (main lawn close to Grand Army Plaza entrance) on Sunday. Free food, drink, music and even more Fort Greene-Clinton Hill I’m-so-unique-creative-and-cute-but-wearing-a-fedora-like-everyone-else-types. For after party details, refer to the ‘TIS LESS THAN SIX DEGREES post last month about Habana Outpost. The folks who didn’t get enough of ‘folks’ will again be chilling at Habana…after they just spent the day chilling at Prospect Park. Guess I’ll see you there… ☺

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

Iman’s feet
http://www.mediatakeout.com/5096/dayum_graphic_pics_of_the_bunions_on_imans_feet.html

http://concreteloop.com/?p=12690&cp=3

Keri Hilson’s feet
http://necolebitchie.com/2008/04/14/your-feet-mo-famous-than-you/

TITTIES...

…I despise that word. Every time I hear it, in most cases coming out of a man’s mouth (LOL), it’s like the sound of nails being raked across a chalkboard for an hour. I was chatting with some folks recently and one man and one woman kept saying, “titties” over and over and over like it was the word of the day. At one point I thought I would vomit.

If a woman is past the age where she doesn’t want to flash everyone at Mardi Gras, they’re called breasts.

Women may have itty bitty or super size breasts, not titties. Titties are for cows.

BTW, an accept alternative, particularly if you’re caribbean is bubbies. LOL. LOL.

The recap: last week was a slow event week but July 4th wound up being surprisingly fly. Went to the movies, spent the afternoon at the park, changed clothes and went to a rooftop party to watch fireworks. Pity it was raining heavy…and I was in an all white dress. After, party at Amalia House…quite swank…shout out to LS, DH, WE. The remainder of the weekend, much too much hanging out (more than I care to describe but shout out to LS again and EP and crew for rocking hard). Staying in last night was definitely the move ☺. Hope your weekend was just as lovely…

On tap this week: Not a damn thing.

Lata Lovelies,
Betsy Ice

TINKER TOODLE FIXED THE WATER

For a while, the water pressure in my bathroom sink has been terrible – a smidgeon above a trickle. Now that it’s summer, this has become a major issue so I called my landlord. This man fixes EVERYTHING. Pipe busted? No need to call a plumber…he came with a book bag full of tools and trinkets and tinkered with that pipe until it worked. There is something a little strange about a grown man with a book bag...strapped on one shoulder circa 1988.

No heat? No problem. Insert a key and start banging on it until it works.

Today, he went in the bathroom and twisted and turned knobs until the water flowed properly. To salute him and all the do-it-myself-cheaper-than-cheap landlords, I officially dub them Tinker Toodles.

On tap – properly running water. :-)

This week – Yo! Friday is 4th of July. Anyone down for a semi-impromptu picnic? We get to a Brooklyn park early (9 am folks to get a spot), everyone bring something (food, drinks, utensils, plates, cups, hammock, badminton, football, whatever) and chill for a few hours. Get in early, get our grill on and be out early enough to go eat again at someone else cookout – you know folks will call on the ‘spur’… Holla if you’re interested. To my traveling folks with big money yo, be safe and enjoy.

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

'TIS LESS THAN SIX DEGREES

Dating is an unknown person is nary impossible. Life used to be six degrees of separation but these days, given that some folks are married, "boo-ed up", homosexual, asexual or just plain married to their constant social-climbing high brow status, the possibilities for partnership with an ‘unknown person’ seems limited.

For example, I went on a date recently. The man that I went out with happens to be friends with a friend of this other dude I was with. Three degrees of separation. Him, her, him. On top of that, there are location barriers. Think about it…when was the last you heard a Brooklyn woman dating a Bronx man? Nary impossible. Is a matter of fact, who goes to the Bronx? No, ‘tis not a dis to my Bx people but really, what is there to do that would justify a two hour trek out there? Someone better be having a baby shower or a wedding!

In Brooklyn alone there are geographic complications. Folks who are near downtown tend to hang out in Fort Greene/Clinton Hill and guess who they meet? Them same dudes or chicks that frequent Habana Outpost. Newsflash - if you ain’t been picked up in the last three years by hanging out at Habana, you're probably not going to get picked up this year. Besides that, why are you doing the same thing every Wednesday evening, Saturday and Sunday afternoon anyway? Tell me – there’s no other place in Brooklyn to “enjoy the sun”? You know Prospect Park isn’t too far away…or any park….or just walk on the side of the street that has more sun. Leave Habana alone. The food is okay but really....every weekend? I’ll refrain from talking about the other “hot spots” – Moe’s and Night of the Cookers. Please…

Typically, dudes from Canarsie socialize in their area or head to nearby Flatlands. For the more adventurous types, the Brooklyn College vicinity aka Flatbush is an option and vice versa. Ditto for Bay Ridge...they're mating and boo-ing up in Sheepshead Bay. Can’t speak for East New York and Brownsville…no idea what’s going on out there.

The degrees of separation...all I'm saying is if your in Brooklyn, single and wanting to be in a relationship, chances are the brother or sister is already close to your inner circle. May have to go back to my long distance relationships…

The recap: panel discussion with Soledad O’Brien and Dr. Cornell West; book release party; Bleu Magazine party (shout out to TC); Grand 275 for the final horray (shout out to QB)…they closed on Friday.

On tap this week: Vibe party tonight. If you know of anything else, holler!

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice

'TIS NOT ALWAYS EASY FOR A MAN

…when his wife looks sexy in a fancy bra that becomes a distracting contraption.

Nearly every woman has a collection of basics but in the “good drawer” lies the fancy and bras and panties. Honestly, I sometimes believe men despise this drawer. It’s not that they don’t appreciate the “I am Ms. Sexy Back” in the La Perla, Les Copains and Eres but when it’s time to get down and dirty, brothers expect to find the two bra closures in the back. The sporty front closure racerbacks can throw him off. A woman can tell that you’re not caressing her back anymore but trying to figure where the closure is.

Every so often a woman will put on a bustier with garters and some more connecting pieces that could be straight out of a Frederick’s boutique. Brother is looking at her salivating and thinking all kinds of wicked tings…until he has to unhook 58 closures! Depending on the woman, she’s either as frustrated with the blasted bustier+ or laughing at how frustrated her man is. I know some sisters that would definitely cosign the latter.

More tips on how to irk a brother in my forthcoming memoir. LOL. Just kidding…I think.

So, my life last week…lunches and brunches…dinner with a friend who loves my teeny bopper lipgloss (yeah, haters!), another road trip to LI for the Omega party (shout out to MT and EL) and MoCaDa’s opening which was all the way dope (shout out to DM). Didn’t make Harriet’s for a reception but that’s usually a winner.

On tap this week…NV Magazine party at Barna. Let me know if you’re down to rock. I rsvp’d +2 but can easily change it to +10. It’s the takeover. Thanks for the idea MT…(who will also be organizing folks for an upcoming yacht party ☺ when MT decides on the date, the details will be here). Oh holla! Book release, magazine party going down as well. Cookout over the weekend in Brooklyn. Any takers? Additional info on events for this week below.

You already know…’tis the season of fun!

BTW, check the posts from the last msg...

Lata Lovelies,
-Betsy Ice



**MORE EVENTS***
TUESDAY - Please come tomorrow Tuesday, June 24th for a special screening followed by performances...

7-11pm @Sputnik- downstairs

262 Taaffe Pl. Brooklyn, NY 11205 (just off Dekalb)*directions below

"Beyond Blue and Gray: Portraits of Palestinian Creativity Under Occupation" is Jessica Habie's newest film project- her last
documentary, "Mandatory Service" won at this year's Tribeca Film Festival

Following the screening will be an XSpirtMental Session with Mental Notes featuring Spiritchild, Remi, and other poetic performances

Co-sponsored by Eyes Infinite Films, Fort Greene Film Society, Movement in Motion, Fort Greene Peace and the Brooklyn For Peace Israel-Palestine committee**

**THURSDAY NIGHT**
A few brothers are hosting an open discussion - why women talk too much and why men dont talk enough. its a Q&A type ting and MC Corey will be DJing. thurs eve from 7pm - 12 am at Ripple (769 washington ave btwn sterling & st johns). MC Corey will also be DJing at the same spot friday nite.

TWAS A STRANGE CONVERSATION

Amazing what happens when I arrive early.  I am able to select which seat I want at the restaurant, positioning myself with the best 'vantage' point.  I'm not drenched in my own perspiration from power walking and more importantly, I'm relaxed.  

This is the 3rd time in the last two weeks I've arrived early to a meeting.  I'm turning over a new leave, friends.

Anyway, the story.  My female friend was having an amicable conversation with a man.  You know, the "how have you been?, what's new? etc." kind of thing.  In the middle of the conversation - without being asked - dude says, "I'm single and heterosexual."  LOL.  Are you kidding me?  He just blurted out that tidbit of info!  She wasn't even trying to holler at him! That's like a woman complimenting another woman (of course, completely acceptable) by saying, "Cute outfit," and instead of saying, "Thank you," she responds with "I'm a lesbian."  Um, what in the world!?!?  Didn't nobody ask you all of that.  My gosh!

Perhaps this dude had a previous conversation and was so caught up in the rapture, he forgot a new conversation (and person) was at hand.  Or, had this brother's sexuality been in question before so he felt the need to proclaim it out the gate to anyone who would listen?  Or better - did he feel compelled to separate himself from any homosexual that may have been present by announcing his sexual orientation freely?  Just musings...

Really though, women - when was the last time you had a casual conversation with a man and proclaimed (as he talked about art history), "I'm strictly dickly?  Men - when was the last time you heard a woman announce that?  LOL

Let me know your thoughts on the situation.  My friend certainly wasn't interested in his sexual orientation but it sure was a funny story.

Lata Lovelies,

-Betsy Ice

TWAS A GOOD WEEK INDEED

It was only fitting to call this blog the one thing that really started my summer of fun...my car. Betsy Ice introduced me to joy riding and the adventures of well, summer.  Details of that summer to come...:-)

On to 2008.  

Last week...twas a doozy!!!  Essence/Toyota event was tight and shout out to TC and DH for being with me that night.  Thanks for handling the situation.  No friends, none of us needed to remove our stilettos or earrings...we're too pretty to scrap.  :-)  Anyhoo, the event was very cool...a room filled with upwardly mobile, mature, surprisingly unpretentious 'folk' coupled with free drinks and hors d'ourves.  Lovely.  Oh yes, Keisha Cole sang but I wasn't listening...lol

Also, went to a Prospect Park Gala which kicked off their summer celebration.  Isaac Hayes rocks.

Took off to DC for an overnight trip (shout out to DH again for being a trooper!) only to return to rain.  One of the highlights of that trip was an invite to Martha's Vineyard.  Wonder if Larenz Tate will be there...I can't get Inkwell out of my mind.

Returned to rain from DC which became a surefire way to miss the Stevie Wonder tribute party. Actually, if you did attend, drop me a line.

This week is shaping up rather slow but will keep you posted on other events.  Friday is the Omega 80's party in Long Island.  Anyone down to rock?  I have an affinity for purple and gold...

BTW, anyone know of any good boat ride?  Just bought a pair of fresh linen pants.  Whey mi West Indian people dey?  

Lata Lovelies...

-Betsy Ice